A lot of things have been said about WOB and I have been quiet; choosing to deal with him privately instead of involving the PL Community. Somehow, I feel that I have to break my silence, just for now. Try as I might to close the chapter in my life that is WOB, he keeps opening it and I hope that this move, breaking my silence, will be the end I am looking for. After all, WOB started with a comment on a post.
I started in PL summer of 2008 as coffeeBBW. I started with confessions and proceeded to post stories of my rather crazy youth. It was my first time to write stories of erotic nature and first time to let other people outside my circle of friends to read what I’ve written and so I kept an eye on the comments. WOB posted one, including his email address and an invitation for friendship.
I emailed him and thanked him for the comment. That was how we started. I’ve always been too trusting, and trust him I did. Trusted him enough that I gave him my contact details, including the email addresses I use at work and home phone number. Was it pity because he is blind? No, I was actually impressed that despite his so-called disability, he finished college and even got his masters in the US. I thought that he is a man worthy of admiration because of how he overcame what others would have considered a hindrance.
He emailed me constantly. Since I was on the night shift, I didn’t mind. His emails – mostly poems and stories, some of which he said he wrote just minutes ago, especially for me – were a breather from the long hours of work. Yes, I enjoyed it. Yes, I was impressed. Yes, I was glad to have met someone smart who could and would discuss anything under the sun. So touched was I that he wrote a poem for me, and sad for him that he couldn’t sleep because of depression out of his breakup with a lady dentist that I called to thank him and say goodnight. He cried. So my heart went out to him, poor guy, no one even called him up just to say thank you? Well at least, that was what he told me.
When we met, I was in a long distance relationship which was crumbling down. I thought that since WOB was still hurting from his breakup with the lady dentist, he would understand the situation I was in, it being rather complicated. He did appear to understand, always listening, even encouraging me to talk about the relationship. Then he would tell me that I deserve better, that I should be treated better. And I believed him.
He lured me out of the cage that my relationship was and trapped me into another cage that was his. I told him it was not right for me to jump from one relationship to another and that it was unfair to him if I agree to be his girl when I know I was still in love with other guy. He said it was his choice, he said if he gets hurt, it was his choice. The next day he made me choose and I chose him. Believing he is better.
We lasted for more or less two months. A month really, if it was up to me. I was being eaten alive by guilt – because here was WOB declaring undying love and on the other hand, the other guy asking for another chance and I was willing, more than willing to give him that. At that time, I was also getting suffocated with WOB.
His emails, though refreshing at first turned like a constant reminder that he was there looking for company. My email alert is turned on because it was my work email and I need to know about updates sent to me. Every time an alert would pop up, it distracts me from what I was doing and it was annoying to get one alert after the other, informing that I received a message from WOB. Opening the emails, I would see one-liners, the same email over and over again.
My phone’s battery would get drained because of his calls. Most of which were just miss calls. I even had to spend my lunch hour, the only time I can breathe from work, by talking to him, even though I was eating. My sleep was often disturbed because he would call just to say hi and he is at work or that he is already home. This continued, even after I requested that he stop because once I wake up, I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore.
I tried to break up with him because I couldn’t deal with the constant bugging. I tried to break up with him because I couldn’t stand being in a relationship with him when my heart was with someone else, a fact that he knew right from the start. He didn’t allow it. He cried. He said he would rather die. He called me up one night to say he will go to the US to see a doctor who would inject him with something that would make it seem like a heart attack. What was I to do? His depression and suicidal tendencies were something he shared with me right from the beginning. I stayed, afraid of what he might do.
So we continued. The emails, the calls and miss calls, his demands. He wanted to know every blog I have, be included in every social networking account I have. He sent messages to my friends saying he is my bf, he sent a particularly nasty email to a guy friend he was jealous of. Something I had to apologize for because his email was very offensive.
He went on air on the show of what he said is a DJ friend and greeted me. Greeting me is fine but he went as far as saying that I called him up after he announced his number on air. A lie. A complete lie which some of my co-workers heard and I had to deal with. WOB not only lied about how we met, he announced my name, my complete name, on air and even the company I work for. My friends from work know that I met him through a forum for writers and they were at awe with his poems and stories, then he went on air to say that lie. Who were they to believe? I had to explain that incident to the friends I have who, for a moment, doubted my honesty.
He wouldn’t take no for an answer. Every time I would reject his invitation, every time I would get angry, I would have an email waiting for me, supposedly from his mother or his friend. Explaining his side, asking me to reconsider. Asking me to say yes so that WOB would stop being sad.
What a fool I was to give in. But things must come to an end, one way or another. I said goodbye but left the doors of friendship open. Yet, he continued to bug me every chance he would get that I had to put my foot down and tell him to stop emailing and calling so much.
I left PL as coffeeBBW, even though I still had stories to share. I spent many nights fighting the guilt I was feeling because I thought that I hurt him and that he didn’t deserve it. I shared his tears when his twin sister died. I encouraged him to see doctors and ask about the possibility of an eye transplant, using the eyes of his twin. I shed tears when we learned that a transplant wouldn’t be possible anymore because the nerves of his eyes were no longer fit for it. That day, I felt that I understand how unfair the world has been to him.
My desire to write and share stories prompted me to go back to PL, as Raginghormones. It was all okay, until he learned who I am. This time, the WOB I faced is far from the WOB who showered me with attention. He would do anything for the girl he fancies and though he never really dragged me into the mess he got himself in in PL, he would call me up and initiate a fight because I didn’t defend him.
His comments about the guidelines for writing, his comment about undergrads hurt me because I am an undergrad myself. Yes, I read the comments but I never said anything in PL. I only emailed him once about the undergrad thing because I felt that he was being an airhead. How he hated me for not saying anything and not taking his side. Accusing me of siding with the people ‘bullying’ him.
When I started receiving calls and talking to the other people he communicated with, I realized that he really was the kind of man I wouldn’t want to be associated with. When he was telling me stories about other PL members, I thought he was merely sharing and warning me. Then I realized, he is nothing but a backstabber and quiet as I am, I learned that I am one of the people he stabbed.
I am not a saint. I do admit that I fought with him over the phone countless times. I have tried being civil and nice, sweet and gentle but those failed. Now I think I spent those nights feeling guilty for nothing. I realize that I don’t know the real WOB.
Funny how I was blinded by a blind guy. I chose to see the good in WOB when there were hints of his true nature already. He was nice to me but made others feel inferior – the attendant at the motel, the service crew. He hated kids, jealous of his own nephew. The emails from his ‘mom’ had the same typographical errors as his emails. The fact that he sent the same poems he said were written for me and dedicated them to someone else, made me think if those were really for me to begin with. He masturbated while talking to me and I had no idea he was doing it until he asked me to stretch and blurted he was about to orgasm!
He called the girls of PL sluts. I know he hurt a lot of people, tarnished a lot of reputations, I understand the hate people have for him. At the end of the day, I feel that I am the biggest fool for falling into a trap and trusting him so much that I slept with him. I trusted him too much to give in to his ‘request’ of me writing Wings of Desire and Birthday Wishes, posting them in PL and dedicating them to him. He loathed me for deleting Wings of Desire after I reposted it. I did make him look good in bed in those stories after all. As a male friend from PL said, those stories made him look good in PL. I never slept with anyone I wasn’t in a relationship with, and here is WOB, managing to make me feel like a slut.
I wish I never met WOB. I wish I never invested time and effort on him. I regret feeling sorry for him. Though these thoughts make me cringe because I know I am being mean, I really think that he deserves to be blind. I would hate to think of what he could do if his eyes are working.
I wish I never met Victor Bienvenido Canonizado. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and I would have never emailed you or talked to you on the phone. I wish that you would be gone from my life completely with the end of this post.