Few months after our anniversary, syempre, we still do sexual stuffs but most of the time, hanggang oral sex lang.
“Alexis..” nagulat ako nang biglang pumasok si daddy sa bahay. May mga maleta siyang dala.
“Dad!” I hugged him. “Why didn’t you inform me that you’re going home!” ang saya ko.. sa wakas, andito na ang daddy ko. He’s working abroad as a chef. Every 3 months or 6 months lang siya kung umuwi.
“I want to surprise you..” he smiled. “Ang laki mo na ah! Dalaga na ang anak ko!” He looked at me from head to toe. Then biglang sumama ang itsura ng mukha niya nang mapatingin siya sa kaliwang balikat ko.
OH SHIT! Naka spaghetti strap na damit at black shorts lang pala ako..
The love bite!
“Kayo pa rin ba ni Gerald?” he asked seriously. “And he did that to you?”
“What?” I want to make sure if he’s talking about the hickey.
“That.. lovebite! Tsk.” he sounds disappointed.. I took a deep breath and said yes.
“Kung ano-anong ginagawa mo habang wala ako!” he shouted and I froze. “I want to talk to that guy!”
Wala na akong nagawa… Pati sila kuya napagalitan.. at mas lalo kaming malalagot kapag hindi nakausap ni dad ang boyfriend ko. Pinapunta ko sa bahay si Gerald. He had no idea that he’d talk to my dad but what can I do? Sa study room sila nag-usap habang ako pinapunta ni Daddy sa kwarto.. After an hour or so, may kumatok sa pinto ng kwarto ko. I thought it was Gerald but it was my dad.
“Dad.. how did it go?” I asked nervously.
“I would give him a chance..” he looked at me.. at sa unang pagkakataon, nakita kong naging daddy ang tingin ko sa daddy ko. “..but he’s no good for you.. it’s up to him to prove me wrong.” Umalis si dad.
Sa loob ng dalawang buwan na bakasyon ni daddy, hindi kami nagkita ni Gerald. Laging tawag at text lang. Si daddy at mga kuya kasi ang lagi kong kasama. I miss him so much. At pagkaalis ni daddy, nagkita uli kami. We were at a restaurant having dinner when he asked me if I could come with him in his condo…and make love. I said ‘no’. Hindi ako pumayag hindi dahil hindi ko na siya mahal.. I want to spend time with him.. I want to talk.. I want to tell him how much I’ve missed him.. I want to tell him I love him. At hindi lang naman sex ang paraan para gawin yun diba?
“Probably, your dad already convinced you that I’m no’t good enough..” his face is expressionless.
“What?” nabingi ako sa narinig ko.
“You don’t trust me anymore, do you?”
“I trust you more than any other person I know.. Ano ba ang sinasabi mo?”
“Then why don’t you go with me?”
“I don’t want to have sex tonight..” I sighed. “I want to talk with you.. I want to spend time with you..”
Alam ko namang ilang buwan kaming walang physical contact pero wag muna ngayon..
“We can do a lot of things after.. you know.” he smiled and held my hand.
“..I’m not in the mood, babe.”
“You’ll be in the mood later.”
“I don’t want to.. Not now.. Can you please understand that?” I asked in a very nice way.. he let go of my hind and shook his head.
“Dati, you never said ‘no’ to me.. It seems like something has changed. Maybe you love me less.”
And that’s the first fight we’ve had.. at natalo ako. I decided to agree with him… After that, balik uli sa dati ang relasyon namin.. pero may nagbago.. lesser surprises.. lesser hours of conversation.. lesser kisses.. lesser hugs.. lesser ‘i love you’s’ and ‘i miss you’s’.. Hindi ko pinansin.. hindi ko ininda.. dahil ayokong mawala siya.
Month of May..
He asked if I’d come to the family gathering.. I was sick so I said no. But then, less than 2 hours, naging mabuti ang pakiramdam ko dahil na din siguro sa gamot na ininom ko. Pumunta ako sa bahay ng lola ko hindi para makita si Gerald. Alam ko namang hindi yun pupunta dahil wala naman ako dun.
“Insan!” si jojo, 2nd cousin ko. “Akala ko ba may sakit ka?” he asked. Tapos parang nagsisi siyang tinanong niya yun.
“Who told you?” nagtaka ako dahil si Gerald at mga kapatid ko lang ang nakakaalam na may sakit ako. Hindi naman pwedeng makapunta sila kuya dito dahil may mga appointments sila. Probably, si gerald ang nagsabi. “Is Gerald here?” tumingin ako sa paligid.
“Uhh.. kain ka na muna!” tinutulak ako ni Jojo papunta sa dining area pero nakita ko na si Gerald. “That’s him.” I smiled.. Nagkamot ng ulo si Jojo at umiling saka umalis.
Bumalik ang atensyon ko kay Gerald. At parang naulit lang ang una naming pagkikita.
He was standing alone in a corner, holding a cup of water. He smiled while looking at nephews and nieces.. Lalapitan ko na sana siya kaso biglang may lumapit na babae. Natapunan din siya ng tubig.. then Gerald offered a white handkerchief.. then shake hands..
Just like how we met 2 years ago..
Dali-dali akong lumapit sa kanila..dun ako sa pwesto na hindi nila ako napapansin.
“I’m Gerald Villamarin..”
“Roma Guevarra.” ngumiti naman ng pagkalandi-landi yung babaeng kausap niya. Halatang kaladkarin e. Sad to say, that girl is my cousin..
“Pagpasensyahan.. nagpapakilala lang yan.” That’s what I keep saying to calm myself.
Wag ka lang magkakamaling landiin yan, papatulan kita kahit pinsan kita.. Ganito pala ang feeling kapag may lumalapit na babae sa boyfriend mo no?
“Do you have a girlfriend?” yun ang unang tinanong.
Pagkatapos sagutin ng boyfriend ko yan, siguraduhin mong aalis ka na, girl.
“Yes..” Gerald replied but with a flirty tone. “Hindi ba, ikaw yun?”
I was shocked… really shocked.. I was frozen.. I don’t quite hear what they’re saying right now but obviously, they’re flirting with each other. Para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig.. What does he mean by ‘hindi ba, ikaw un?’
“Parang last year lang ah, noong una tayong nagkita.” the girl added.. “..you were standing here in the corner, holding that cup of water.. then nabunggo kita.. you offered me a handkerchief.. are we not meant to be?”
“..maybe yes? Gusto ko lang ipaalala sa’yo kung pano tayo nagkakilala.”
“Ang kapal ng mukha mo..” it’s almost a whisper but Gerald turned to me. His face turned pale as soon as he sees me.. “Alex.. alexis!” he faked a laugh.
“Ang kapal ng mukha mo..” inulit ko.. “..ginawa mong bar tong family gathering namin..” mahinahon pa rin ang boses ko pero nanginginig na ang buong katawan ko. “..balak mo bang landiin ang lahat ng babae sa pamilya ko?”
Pinaalis ni Gerald yung pinsan ko.. Obviously, she knows that I’m Gerald’s ‘number one’.
“So.. she’s your girlfriend, huh?”
Nagulat siya.. hindi niya siguro inakalang narinig ko yun.
“I’m sorry.. lets talk outside..”
Minabuti naming dalawa na sa labas na mag-usap.. Dun sa walang makakarinig sa amin.
“And you just said that my cousin is your girlfriend? grabe ka.” tang-ina.. ang sakit nun.. marinig mo mismo galing sa boyfriend mo na may girlfriend siyang iba?
“Just give me another chance, okay?” he said calmly.
“Ano ba ako sa’yo gerald? just a fuck buddy?” i started to cry.. “How dare you…paano mo nagawang lokohin ako! Mas mabuti pang hiniwalayan mo na lang ako kesa nagtwo-time ka..!”
“So what if i have another girlfriend?” nainis siya. “You are the one that I love!”
“HINDI AKO TANGA, Gerald!” I shouted. “Wag mo akong paikutin..Kung mahal mo ako, hindi ka makikipag-flirt sa ibang babae at mas lalong hindi ka magkakaroon ng ibang girlfriends!”
“Hindi kita pinapaikot. Yes, I had another girl but..”
“Why?!” tinulak ko siya pero hindi naman siya gumalaw. Inulit-ulit ko yun hanggang sa nagsalita siya.
“..kasi nagbago ka na! You’re not that sweet anymore. You don’t have time with me. You are not-”
PAK!
I slapped him in the face..
“Nagbago ako, Gerald? Are you sure?” tuluyan na akong umiyak. “..hindi kaya, ikaw ang nagsawa?”
We became silent..
“If you love me, you’ll give me a second chance..” he looked at me. He is teary-eyed..
Tiningnan ko ang mga mata niya. Hindi ito yung mga mata ng lalaking mahal ko. Wala akong nakikitang sincerity kahit pa parang naiiyak na siya.. Wala ng pagmamahal.. puro panghihinayang lang ang nakikita ko sa mata niya.. panghihinayang dahil wala ng ‘free sex’? panghihinayang dahil wala na siyang mauuto? FUCK! I feel so small! I feel so dirty. Paano niya ako naloko ng ganito? I love him.. I still do.. pero hindi ko matanggap.. hindi ko matanggap tong ginawa niya sa akin..
“..only worthy guys deserve a second chance..” I looked at him. ”..and you’re not one of them.” Then tears flowed down my cheeks.
“By the way, ang galing mong umarte.. ilang puting panyo na ang naipamigay mo sa mga babae? Wala ka na bang ibang alam na style kung paano makakapagkilala?” Gago din talaga to e! At iniisip ko, lahat ng surprises na ginawa niya sa akin ay ginagawa din niya sa mga ibang girlfriend niya. At ako naman si tanga, tuwang-tuwa sa mga bagay na yun.. mga bagay na wala palang kwenta..
That’s why I hate surprises.. I really do.
———
2nd part ng part 2, geez.. ang boring na ata neto.. pasensya na..