guys , just recently i received an email from from a guy who calls himself “survivor”. he wanted me to post this tribute on his behalf as he’s having some problems with his pl account.
An honest , moving , eloquent tribute to his beloved …
Your Enchantedness…
By SURVIVOR
Hello to everyone… This is my first time to post a story on this site. I’ve been browsing this site for almost a year now as a guest; I’m just not that brave enough to express my own repress thoughts until now. I must say I got a little encouragement from Mysterious when he wrote a poem for SIMPLY_IRRESISTIBLE. Hehehe. Honestly, I also find his poem a bit amusing, but then again, all of us have our way of expressing our affection to someone, however silly it may be. Mysterious, go nail SIMPLY. SIMPLY, I think you should change your alias to plain IRRESISTIBLE. The way I see it, you’re anything but simple.
Guys, I must warn you though that, you won’t find any “Ohhh… Ahhh… Please don’t stop. Ang sarap…” statements here on my post. I am reserving the steamy and spicy stuff on my future posts. Please bear with me. I’m doing this post as my final tribute to a woman who made me love. Love so much that it hurts…
August 22 would be my birthday. On that same day, she will walk down the aisle to give her future to a lucky S.O.B. I guess that day would qualify as the saddest birthday of my life.
Why post here, of all social sites? Because there’s a 90% probability she will never read this post, here on this site. The other 10% would be a slim chance. She’s also human you know. I know its confusing guys, I’m posting a tribute and I don’t want her to read it. You see, I already told her everything, all that I feel for her. And I have no illusion she will change her mind once she read this stuff. In fact, I don’t want her to change her mind at all.
I am doing this so I can expunge her from my mind once and for all. I know it will be a futile act, but I have to try. There is this research about writing a journal as a way to cope with emotional stress. That is my reason… Another thing guys, I will be writing in mixed Tagalog and English from hereon. Komportable ako sa English, pero iba pa rin ang ating sariling wika. So, without further blah blah blah, yada yada yada;
Sheren ang pangalan nya. Kung saan sya nakatira at nagtatrabaho, hindi ko na sasabihin. Paano ko ba sya nakilala? Ah, alam ko na. Sa Cagayan de Oro ko pala sya unang nakita. Hindi sya taga-roon, representative sya ng company nila para i-evaluate ang computer system na customized namin sa isang client dun. Internal Auditor kasi ang posisyon niya, actually, she’s a bit young and fair looking (modesty speaking) for her position. Kasi most of our clients’ internal auditors eh, well, never mind. Kasama nya yung finance manager nila, that time wala ako idea about them except that they would probably be middle age persons kasi nung first time na bumisita ako sa company nila eh puro mga golden misis na ung nakita ko. I got a clue though, kasi unique yung name nya and very youthful sounding. The truth is, may parang nag-spark na konting excitement sa akin nung mabasa ko ang pangalan nya sa message ng boss ko.
So there I was, at the CDO airport, waiting for them. And when they emerged from the
terminal, lo and behold, there she was. The fairest beauty I have ever seen. Simpleng simple ang ganda nya, walang kaartehan. Guys, kung hindi kayo attracted sa ganda ni Isabel Oli, palagay ko may problema ang mga mata ko. She could easily pass as her sister, only fairer. She’s not a Marian Rivera or a Cristine Reyes beauty, but in my own ever varying standard, she’s way better.
Three days din sila nag-stay sa CDO. On the eve of their departure, I toured and treated them to dinner at CDO, sa Lim Ket Kai complex. The place is quite beautiful, really. Actually sa CDO lang talo ang SM sa dami ng customer. Ewan, bakit nilagay nila ang SM na napakalayo sa city center. It’s their problem though, I have my own.
Going back, nagkapalagayang loob kami in Sheren after her visit. The truth is, kelangan ko din talaga na mag-PR sa kanya dahil may niluluto kami na project sa kanila that time. Buti na lang nakuha ko agad ang sympathy and confidence nya. No, I didn’t get it through good looks and Mr. Suave appeal, the truth is, wala ako nun. I just presented to them our system’s capability (which I designed…) as well as our passion and commitment to help her company on a what-you-see-is-what-you-get basis. Add a lot of honest approving nod from our client’s liaison, the Chief Accountant. Viola!!! Kuha ko na agad yung assurance nya, as well as the finance manager na sa amin na yung project.
On the guise of business, nagkaroon kami ng frequent communication after that. Later, I signified to her my intention to be her friend, which she readily approved. There was a time nga na pudpuran kami ng daliri nun sa kaka-text, and I frequently call her. She’s a good listener, and I am to her. And yes, she really view me as a good friend. And you know what, it’s amazing how you can be with a very sexually stimulating girl and not think of anything lusty about her. Ganun kalaki ang respeto ko sa kanya. I want her and yet, andun yung paggalang ko sa kanya. Nakakatawa kasi, in our frequent text communication, I always address her as “Your Enchantedness”. Don’t get me wrong guys, I’m not being naive. I know she’s had past experiences that she won’t talk about, but I don’t care. Kahit malaman ko na 100 lalaki na ang nakauna sa kanya, wala akong pakialam.
That time, may problema sya sa BF nya (the one she’ll be marrying), and I am her listening ear. I’m sure you guys are asking, naging kami ba? May nangyari ba sa amin? Hindi… Wala… Bakit? It’s a bit complicated on my part, and I’m a person who’s always afraid of many things. Especially complications…
Come August 22 according to my information, ikakasal sya sa BF nya, and I know she want it so bad. The wedding, the ring, a husband, and later, a family she can call her own. Hindi ko pwede ibigay yun sa kanya. Kasi may asawa na ako.
It gets worse because I also have two very adorable and extremely smart daughters who worship me so much. Gusto nyo malaman kung gaano kalambing mga kids ko? Well, kauuwi ko lang nun from field assignment and I was naturally tired, so I went to sleep until 11am. When I woke up, andun yung bunso ko nakaluhod sa gilid ng bed nakangiti, hinihintay pala nya ako magising at ng gising na ako, ayun, biglang nag-dive sa bed at
niyakap ako ng mahigpit. Yun bang yakap na parang sinasabi nya na ayaw na nya ako umalis uli. Later, tinanong ako ng bunso ko kung may dala akong something. Toink!!! Well, something or no something, my kids will always give me the same unconditional love. How can any decent father even think of betraying their trust?
I don’t know if any of you guys ever felt the same affection from your family as I do, but if you’ll ask me how it feels. I really love every second of it. Kasi hindi ko yun naramdaman sa mga parents ko, lalo na sa father ko. And if you know my family, my kids, you would understand my devotion to them. Pero tao lang ako na marunong magmahal…
Ano ba pinagpuputok ng butsi ko, hindi naman pala naging kami. Yun nga ang problema ko, kasi hindi ko naipaglaban ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Masakit yung mabigo ka sa pag-ibig, pero mas masakit na hindi mo man lang masabi sa harap nya kung gaano mo sya kamahal. Nasasabi ko lang yun sa kanya thru text messages. Why? Because she’s the right girl, at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Very sensitive ang position nya sa company nila, and a lot of her officemates are envious of her. Add me to the equation and she could be a very hot potato, ready for the mashing. It doesn’t help that her place is just a stone throw away from their company’s main office. Talk about dating her someplace else? Their company is located in a very small town where everybody knew each other. Nung magkaroon ako ng chance na bigyan sya ng flowers, I have to do it via LBC when I was back in CDO. And I have to have an excuse, so I sent it on her birthday… Btw, yung place na ni-rent nya, in-laws ng officemate nya ang may-ari kaya di ko mai-address sa bahay nila so dun ko sa office nya mismo pinadala. Like they said “May pakpak ang balita”. How can you court someone when you can’t express yourself openly? Kakainggit ka talaga Mysterious…
Pero ako mismo ang pinakamalaking stumbling block. Kasi I am too stupidly honest for my own good, or ruin perhaps. Ni hindi ko ma-deny na may sabit na ako.
I remember yung post ni Recoil regarding his Agusan adventure on the Bachelor Express, I used to ride on those buses as well during my field assignments there. I even go as far as Tandag, Surigao Del Sur. I knew those places very well, that’s why I can relate to Recoil’s experiences. And yes, the babes there can be quite adventurous when it comes to sex. Anyway, I was riding in a Bachelor bus going to Butuan, when this fair looking babe beside me began to open up a conversation with me. She went as far as sleep on my shoulder, and I can feel her hotness then. Come morning and very near Butuan, she ask me if I’m still single. And honest, or stupid, Okay idiotic that I was, I told her I’m already married, and she just gone cold. Wala ako suot na wedding ring nun (naisangla eh). Hayyy… A potentially exciting sexual adventure gone up in smoke. Guys, be kind to stupid animals. Please….
Some guys can even swear a lie to high heavens but not me. Hindi ko kaya, and I’m not good at it, kasi I believe that lie begets lie (But yes, lying can get you laid). And to deny my own wife is like denying a part of me. Kaya hindi ko masabi sa harap ni Sheren kasi nawawalan ako ng conviction everytime I try. But in my own subtle ways, I was asking her to love me too. That all I need is a clear sign that she’s willing to gamble her future with me and I will risk everything for her.
I could have a reason to do it. It’s been almost five years since me and my wife had our last big fight, and our relationship has never been the same since then. I’ve always tried to reach out to her, telling her how much I love her, and the only response I get is “Thank you. Good luck to your work”. Hindi ko alam kung pwede na yun na dahilan para magloko ako, ang alam ko lang, napapagod na ako.
How do I love Sheren? To quote a song by Chicago;
“You come to my senses, Every time I close my eyes. I have no defenses.”
It hurts…
Dito pa rin ako sa company nila naka-deploy ngayon. Nagcocostumize pa rin ng accounting and warehouse system nila. At araw araw, sa tuwing nakikita ko sya, pretend to death ako na busy sa work ko. Ni ayoko sya tingnan. Ayokong Makita nya sa mga mata ko ang paghihirap ng puso ko.
Reason tells me not to regret losing her because I really can not have her in the first place. But my mind tells me it’s just another example of my weakness to take control of my own destiny. I’m coping up. But now, everyday is a struggle for me to face the reality that soon, I will be losing my chance to have her, be with her. Forever…
Mahal na mahal kita Sheren… Goodbye Your Enchantedness…