Ey peace-loving members of the PL community!
Backgrounder lang; this story is, in-part, connected to an earlier story I published here (entitled: ).
I cut the story into short installments para hindi nakakapagod basahin. Rest assured though dahil wala akong planong mambitin…he he. Am currently working on the succeeding ones even as I publish this.
Enjoy!
Barny
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A time for healing
I was already in my 4th year when Fides transferred to our highschool. 3rd year siya ng pumasok pero it took only a short time para maging crush siya ng bayan. She had long black hair extending down to the small of her back, pang-commercial ng shampoo. Mestisa, and even at a young age of 14, may katankaran at 5’4’’. Hindi pa kalakihan ang dibdib nito pero nababawi naman sa magandang proportions ng katawan niya…maganda rin ang posture… yung type na mula sa malayo, you’d think na mas matankad. Pero isa sa mga natatanging assets ni Fides ay ang kaakit-akit nitong mata. She had large, round eyes with very dark pupils…hindi ka mauumay titigan siya lalo na pag nagkukuwento ito at parang kumikislap ang mga mata.
Sa simula, I didn’t really care that much for girl kahit panay ang kuwento ng mga kaklase ko about her. After Gina (my ex) left kasi, parang nawalan na ako ng ganang makisabayan sa mga girl-trips ng ka-grupo…during that time, hormones were out of control and everybody seemed so excited about the female species. Majority ng mga kabarkada ko were on the hunt for ‘that-one-girl’ they can hitch with. Alam ng close friends ko ang mga pinagdadaanan ko nung time na yun pero hindi nila ako hinayaang magmukmok. They always found a way to get me to attend a party of some sort; Sayawan sa piyesta, birthday ng kung sino, sine with a group of girls, etc. They never let up. I felt lucky having such positive people around me pero it was still difficult. My memories of Gina were still too fresh for me to be able to move on.
Junior-Senior Prom season. Most of my friends already have their dates…ang mga GF nila. Alam nilang wala akong intentions of attending but they somehow convinced the teachers to let me be part of the program organizers. I was class PRO and they justified na ito talaga ang trabaho ko. I was not really good with resisting authority so aayaw-ayaw man, I ended up as one of the emcees for the night, puny me. Hindi naman ako nerbyoso in front of a crowd, you may even say na at ease, but my heart was just not into the work at hand.
That was, until I realized who was emceeing with me. Fides, was one of the leaders in her batch and apparently, I’m working with her. Inggit to the max ang mga kabarkada kong nagsisisi na yata ngayon sa pag-force sa akin. Nevertheless, the decision of the teacher was to be followed, kaya ayun, I had to spent an hour a day with Fides and the organizing teachers, one week before JS Prom.
Fides and I were the only students in every meeting, and we had to work together a lot dahil sinisigurado ng mga teachers na hindi papalpak ang program. This was how I got to know her more.
She’s the eldest of three siblings. Her father used to work in Riyadh (Saudi) while her mother is one of the nurses in our city health office. She used to go to a private school but had to transfer to our public school dahil hirap ang income nila ever since her father was forced to resign dahil nagka-giyera sa middle east. She also used to do ballet, explaining her nice posture, pero they also had to give that up. However, even after all of these things na nangyari sa family niya, the amount of happiness she radiated was admirable.
Another commendable thing about Fides was her down-to-earth nature. She knows she’s beautiful but she never lets it get to her head. Hindi rin siya suplada even at the face of people she doesn’t like. Kung may kinaiinisan man siya, she just keeps it to her self…and is always civil. I noticed though that she had this particular look when this happens; Her eyes wander and she never shows her teeth even when she smiles at the people who try to antagonize her.
Madaling makagaanan ng loob ang dalaga. Madali rin itong patawanin. She has a very cute snort na lumalabas lang pag talagang todo na ang halakhak nito. Mamumula na siya sa hiya afterwards and i-ta-try na i-suppress ang hagikhik pero imposible it seems dahil masayahin lang yata talaga siyang tao.
Being somebody who is still going through a dark and stormy night, I found myself drawn to her sunshine. I justified it at first as a natural occurrence dahil ganun naman talaga ang effect niya sa tao. Pero habang tumatagal, it was starting to become difficult denying that, in her, I found the healing that I so longed for after two failed and devastating relationships. I was starting to fall for the 3rd year.
JS Prom night.
Everybody was busy. Naanod kami ni Fides sa napakaraming trabahong hindi namin na-forsee, even after all the planning. The teachers were panicking, so besides emceeing, naging errand-boy din ako dahil hindi naman pwedeng si Fides ang tatakbo-takbo para makuha ang mga nakalimutang bagay sa teacher’s room or somewhere else. Fides was also tasked to do a lot of things on-stage but she had a steady supply of willing boys waiting for her every whim. Hindi naman niya pinagpipilitang magpatulong pero it seems she can’t help it dahil whenever she tried to lift something, may lalaking kaagad nag-a-assist sa kanya. Iba nga naman ang campus crush.
The initial program ended and simula na ang sayawan. Tumugtog ang isang sweet and slow song kaya hatakan na ang mga mag-boyfriend papunta sa dancefloor. Fides was swarmed by the same eager guys that were helping her a while ago…everybody wanting to be her first dance. I smiled to myself seeing that she was once again hiding her teeth habang ngumingiti, her eyes wandering somewhere else. In the end though, to the dismay of her admirers, she gave her first dance to a tall, good looking guy I knew from our basketball team. I was a bit uneasy seeing this pero thought better of it dahil wala naman talaga akong karapatan sa kanya, hindi pa nga ako nanliligaw or anything. So off they went to the tune of some David Pomeranz song na palaging naririnig sa mga JS Proms.
She looked so beautiful that night. Subtle lang ang makeup and simple hairstyle which, for me, emphasized her natural beauty more. She wore the standard pink dress pero hindi yung type na parang cotton candy sa garbo. It was also clear that everybody was watching her every move. Every guy longed to be the one dancing with her while girls just threw her these envious looks. As for me, I somehow felt unusually happy. Hindi ko maintindihan but just seeing her gracefully move around the dancefloor brought a certain peace in me. I couldn’t understand dahil given the chance, I would have preffered that I be the one dancing with her. It was probably, in part, acceptance that there are just somethings that are not meant and too far out of reach for some of us.
‘Huy!! Okay ka lang parts?!’ ang narinig ko from behind. Nandun pala ang mga barkada ko, nakangiting parang may pinaplano.
‘He he…mukhang nakita mo na ang pantawid-Gina mo ah…’ sabat pa ng isa.
Sasagutin ko na sana sila but one of the teachers already grabbed me by the arms dahil patapos na ang first dance of the night and we had to proceed with the program. I saw na ganun din ang nangyayari kay Fides. Dissapointed ang lalaking kasayaw nito, which for some reason brought a smile to me and most of the male population in the dance floor…schadenfreude siguro.
Tuloy ang program and afterwards, sayawanna ulit. I didn’t see Fides dance with the basketball player anymore. Andami talaga kasing nakalinya para makasayaw siya. Kahit sa mabilis na mga kanta ay kuntento na ang iba…everybody just wants to have alone-time with her.
I busied myself na lang by doing the things that the slave-driving teachers don’t seem to run out of. We padlocked all the classrooms para maiwasan ang mga ‘di kaaya-ayang bagay’ from happening in such dark and enclosed spaces. I was also tasked to start transferring the flower decorations from the stage back to the teachers room…gagamitin yata sa isa pang event the next day. Nobody else was helping dahil everybody was so consumed with whatever it is they’re preoccupied with. I caught a glimpse of Fides every once in a while and she was almost always dancing with some guy. She looked tired after consecutive dances but everybody just wanted to get a piece of her kaya ayun, hindi talaga siya makaalis sa dance floor. One of the teachers probably noticed this kaya, sa dismaya ng mga nakalinya, hinatak nito si Fides papunta sa side stage where all the other teachers were, para makapagpahinga. She’s a favorite by the teachers and they formed some sort of stronghold around her kaya alang makalapit.
As for me, wala pa ring katapusan ang pagbalik-balik ko from the stage to the teacher’s room. I had the urge to ask Fides for at least one dance but with the amount of work still to be done and based on the looks of the teachers faces whenever a boy approaches Fides, mukhang impossible. It was already 3:30AM and feeling ko nauubusan na ako ng battery. After delivering the last of the flower pots, a teacher let me take a rest in one of the seats near the side stage. They had food and drinks kaya kahit papaano ay nakapag-recharge na rin ako. Habang kinakain ang chicken sandwhich my eyes were roaming, trying to find Fides, the only girl it seems, that I wanted to dance with that tonight. Pero hindi ko na siya makita. She’s probably dancing with another boy, I assumed.
Mag-a-alas 4 na ng umaga but Fides was still nowhere in sight. It was impossible na hindi ko siya makita after almost 4 rounds ng pag-iikot sa dance floor. Umuwi na kaya? Very possible dahil nakikita kong may mga sinusundo na ng mga parents nila…and she could be one of those.
I guess it’s fate. Hindi lang talaga siguro panahon for us. Maybe it’s a message from destiny saying that she is not ‘the one’. Sabihin pa nating for a time, I almost felt that she was the medicine my struggling heart so badly needed.
A teacher told me to bring the large tupperwares back to the teacher’s room. Ayaw ko pa sanang umalis dahil alam kong patapos na ang gabi…I was still hoping I’d get that chance. I was getting desperate.
Pero wala talaga si Fides. I resigned myself to the thought na umuwi na ang dalaga. Lulugo-lugo kong dinala ang mga Tupperware as the DJ announced na last two songs na lang. I was thinking aloud as I walked to the teacher’s room.
‘Ano ba yan!? Umattend ka nga ng JS prom, hindi ka naman pina-amoy man lang ng dancefloor!’ inis kong sabi sa sarili.
‘Alipin ka na lang talaga buong buhay mo!! Bobong alipin!’ kahit ako ay napangiti sa sinabi. I didn’t realize I was so tired of being ordered around the whole night.
‘Hoy, Alipin! Saan ka ba nagpunta?!’ narinig kong sigaw mula sa teacher’s room as I approached it. Kinabahan ako. May teacher sa loob na nakarinig. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pintuan, armed with an apology…only to be pleasantly surprised.
‘He he…inabuso ka ba today?’ si Fides. She was sitting on the big comfortable chair of the head-teacher…nagpahinga yata.
‘Aba, Aba! Nandito pala ang isa pang alipin. Kaya pala tambak ako ah…nagbubulakbol ang iba diyan…he he’ biro ko. Obviously happy to see the face I so longed to see the whole night.
‘Patapos na raw? Narinig ko ang announcement ng DJ ah’ sabi pa ng dalaga, parrying my joke.
‘I know. Hindi man lang kita naisayaw kahit isang beses…’ ang dagdag ko…Freudian slip.
‘Eh hindi ka naman nang-aaya eh’ pangiti ring sagot ni Fides as the last song started to play.
‘Okay then, can I have this dance, please?’ ang lakas loob kong sabi, riding the situation and extending my hand after lowering all the tupperwares on a table.
‘The pleasure is mine’ ang nakangiting sabi ng dalaga…nakatitig sa mata ko at relaxed na ipinapakita ang napakaganda niyang ngipin.
I held her right hand with my left and slid my other hand on to her waist. Ipinatong na rin niya ang kaliwang kamay sa shoulder ko as we started to sway to a song that I know I will never be able to forget. I looked at her beautiful, dark eyes…mga matang nagpapalimot sa lahat ng kapagurang naranasan ko buong gabi. Mga matang nararamdaman kong unti-unting bumubura sa masasakit na alaala ng mga dinaanan. Her eyes made me realize that life was not so mean after all.
I wished for the moment to not end. I wished I can hold on much longer to the beautiful 3rd year that was now peacefully resting her head on my shoulder. I wished for everything good and pure as we slowly danced to the heart piercing vocals of Amy Grant singing ‘That’s what love is for’.
Continuation coming soon…