Please be informed that this is not an erotic story..
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Two recent posts here in PL have moved me tremendously. First is Lopezboy’s The Purple Crayons. The story may be brief, but it did give me a real hard slap on my face. Very tragic. The wife’s infidelity, pleasure at the expense of the innocent one.
Exactly 3 years ago, I made my vow. In front of my friends and family, I did tell the man in front of me that I will be faithful and loyal to him for the rest of my life.. In less than 3 years, I broke that vow. Why?
Depression, discontentment, boredom, receiving the kind of treatment I don’t think I deserve. I tried to give justice to my actions. I even felt proud of it. I had fun, I felt my worth, my self esteem was boosted. Guilt was not in my vocabulary. Everything seemed so right. “This is the real me.”
Then I decided to let go of it, before its late.. Then I thought I could just easily run away from the crime I committed.. But then I found out, that consequences could sometimes come late.. And just when my marriage is back at bliss, just when my husband has started to really treat me like a queen, and just when I was ready to start life all over again, it’s when the monsters started to haunt me..
Guilt.. Guilt… Guilt..
I have never been this guilty all my life.. I did a lot of crazy things before, but my conscience has been overpowered by my open mindedness. But this time, I couldn’t think of any form of penitence to compensate my blunder. What’s done is done.
Now I could not help but count the minutes and hours I’ve spent or wasted? I could have spend it with my kids. Not to mention the efforts, and the emotions which I think were all wasted..
And I remember exactly what Prettygirl once told me. “No one will love you like your husband does.” Prettygirl by the way is a former active PL member.
I could not make any comment when my husband shared to me the story of his friend who ended up beating up his wife upon confirming that his wife was having an affair with another man.. I’m an advocate of women’s rights, but this time, I could not voice out my sentiment on the issue..
I could not look straight into his eyes each time he tells me “Sa akin ka lang ha” right after we make love. Rather I would close my eyes, hug him tight, kiss him and tell him “Yes, I’m all yours, I love you.” Then a voice would ring in my ears and whisper “Liar! You already cheated on him.”
The consequences of my infidelity and selfishness.. I hope in due time, I will be able to overcome all these.. Maybe posting here it in PL could somehow bring out some sort of relief..
Anyway, the other posts that gave me a slap was nothingness’f ’s ‘Mistakes’. It reminded me of an incident few years ago.. Still, I was partly to blame for what happened.. I trusted a stranger.. I guess I have to keep the story to myself for now.. Unless the PL community would insist..
Thanks for reading.. Your comments are welcomed and will be appreciated..