Author’s note: This is my first time to write here. This series will be partly based on my personal experience and the rest will be (unfortunately) the fruits of my wishful thinking. I have all the intentions to convey my emotions and sentiments in this series so please bear with this humble piece of literature. Comments, both good and bad, as well as constructive criticisms are all welcome. Please avoid posting unnecessary matters such as mobile phone numbers and instant messenger ids. Thanks a lot and enjoy reading.
“Gusto kong makalaya sa’yo.” Kailanman ay hindi ko malilimutan ang sinabi nya sa akin. Akala ko ay siya na ang makakasama ko sa aking pagtanda. Ang akala ko ay kaya nya akong ipaglaban. It turned out na mali ako. She had forgotten me so easily that it really shattered my heart into pieces.
Ako nga pala si Toni. It’s short for Antonina. Yes, I am a girl. A girl that was in love with another girl. “Was” kasi I had no plans of becoming involve with woman na. I wont deny na gusto ko ng babae pero I learned my lesson na. I am a lipstick lesbian so I have the slightest intention to look like a boy. Physically, I am morena, athletic physique (because I’m into badminton), brown eyes (my dad is of Spanish descent), full lips and firm and “just enough” boobs. Perhaps (to cut it short) I look like Kaye Abad (yung dating ka-love team ni JL Cruz at ex ni Chito Miranda). I came from an above-average family, pero hindi naman kami sobrang yaman. Hindi naman sa pamamayabang eh I was born with “brains”. I finished my studies in the premier universityof the Philippines. My parents are devout Catholic kaya hindi nila alam nalesbian ang anak nila. Tiyak na itatakwil nila ako kapag nalaman nila.
I had only one relationship with a girl. She was Tere. We were classmates back in college. Our relationship lasted for 3 years until iniwan nya ako ng biglaan. Hindi ko alam kung anong dahilan. It was after our board exams. We had dinner to celebrate it. Nagulat ako nung bigla nyang sinabi na ayaw na nya. I asked her kung bakit. Sabi nya gusto na nyangmakalaya sa akin. We had no problems back then except for the fact na pareho naming itinatago ang relationship naminfrom our parents. Tinanong ko kung meron bang third party, sabi nya wala daw. Wala na akong nagawa. After namingmaghiwalay that night eh hindi ko na sya ulit nakausap ng personal. I tried to contact her in many ways pero tinaguanna nya ako. Ilang beses akong pumunta sa bahay nila pero yung katulong lang nila ang nakausap ko.
I was so frustrated and desperate back then. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I loved her so much. Parang mamamatay naako sa sobrang sama ng loob. No one knew what I was going through. I kept it all inside my heart. I was hurting. That time, naiinis pa nga ako kapag nagigising ako tuwing umaga, bago kasi matulog eh ipinagdarasal ko na mamatay na sanaako habang natutulog. Unfortunately, nagigising pa rin ako. I hate everything back then. Wala ng bukas pa, I thought to myself.
But sabi nga nila, life must go on. I slowly recovered from my miseries pero nandun pa rin yung sama ng loob. Our relationship was not perfect but we were happy. Dahil sa sama ng loob, isinumpa ko na hindi na ako mulingmagmamahal ng babae. I even consider dating men pero hindi talaga “swak” eh. I decided to focus na lang on my career. Nagturo ako sa University while Im taking my masteral. That time, I lived a celibate life. I tried to to resist every temptation. The University is like a sea. It’s filled with beautiful and hot college girls. Pero I was too heartbroken plus the fact that I was a college instructor. Syempre, may pangalan akong inaalagaan sa University. I resigned after teaching for 3 years, I was 24 back then. Madaming companies na gustong maghire sa akin, I opted to work in a pharmaceutical company as clinical research associate. The pay is good. And I mean really good. Dahil nga magandaang sweldo ko, I bought my 1st car after a year and a half.
Dito na nagsimula ang bagong kabanata sa buhay ko. My work is in Mandaluyong and I live in Laguna. Usually, umaalisako ng house namin ng 7:00 and makakarating naman ako around 8:30 sa work ko. One day, while I was driving alongShaw nang bigla na lang may bumangga sa car ko. Siyempre nagulat ako. I was too preoccupied thinking about the patients undergoing the clinical trials I was working on. Pagtinigin ko sa likod, it was a pink modern VW Beetle. Itinabiko sa sidewalk yung car ko and bumaba ako ng kotse para puntahan yung nakabangga sa akin.
Habang papalapit ako, bumaba ang isang girl. Understatement kung sasabihin kong maganda sya kasi she was so damn hot. Siguro mga ka-age ko lang din, maybe 1 or 2 yrs younger. She was in a white three-fourths polo paired with a lovely ass-hugging skinny jeans. She was wearing a sexy pair of black platform shoes. Her hair was in a messy pony tail that made her look even more sexy. But what caught my attention was her lips, her red lips. Full and luscious red lips. Sasobrang hot nya, muntik ko ng sabihin na ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit nabangga ang kotse ko. Tumigil yata angpagikot ng mundo ko. I forgot to breath. My heart skip a beat. Sari-sari yung emotions ko. Butterflies in my stomach. Whatever. I needed to get back to reality: this girl, I mean “woman”, hit my car.
“Ahh. Im sorry. I was looking for my phone inside my bag so I didn’t see your car.”
“Apology accepted. Insured naman ang kotse ko. However, hindi ko sure kung tatanggapin nung mmda officer angapology mo,” sagot ko while trying to maintain my composure. Naguguluhan ako kung bakit ko tinanggap ang apologynya. Back in college, I was known to be firm, steadfast. I am bossy. Pero bakit nawala yata lahat ng angas ko ngayon. I knew that I was not intimidated. It’s something else.
“Aww. Do you think I can bribe him?”
“Uhm, baka pag sinubukan mo eh dagdagan nya ang kaso mo,” natatawa kong sagot. “Will you help me?” How can I resist such beauty? Pero nasa isip ko pa rin ang vow ko na hindi na muling iibig pa sa isang Eba. Iibig? Humihingi lang ngtulong yung tao. It’s that simple. Ang layo naman ng iniisip ko. Nasa gitna kami ng daan pero pag-ibig ang iniisip ko. Stupid.
“Miss, binangga mo nga yung kotse ko eh magpapatulong ka pa sa akin,” medyo naaasar kong sagot.
“Im sorry again. Just scared.” Hay. Na-guilty naman ako. Mukha nman syang sincere sa pagso-sorry. My heart told me to help her but my mind wanted me to just ignore her. At ang pinagana ko? Syempre, puso. Yeah, I know I was stupid. Inisip ko na lang na ang gagawin kong pagtulong ay hindi dahil “hot” sya pero dahil kelangan kong tulungan angnangangailangan. Whatever. I know I was just rationalizing what I was going to do.
Lumapit na sa amin ung mmda officer. Sabi nya, reckless driving daw yung girl.
“Boss, no harm done naman po. Insured naman ang kotse ko,” sabi ko sa kanya.
“Pero reckless driving pa rin yun. Miss, akin na ang lisensya mo,” sagot nung officer.
“Here it is. Im really sorry, Sir,” teary-eyed nyang sabi habang binibigay dun sa manong yung lisensya nya.
“Kuya, baka pde nating ayusin natin to..” sabad ko.
“Hanep ka rin Ate. Ikaw na ang binangga, pinagtatanggol mo pa sya.” “Ah eh, Sir, kasi naman po eh nakakaawa namansya. Tignan nyo, parang gusto ng umiyak..” paliwanag ko.
“O sige, 2000 ang multa sa reckless driving. May seminar pa yun bago nya makuha ang lisensya na. Dahil sa inyo nanaman nanggaling, bigyan nyo na lang ako ng 1000 para tapos na.”
“1000? Laki naman nun Sir,” sabi ko dun sa manong.
“1000? It’s okay. Wait, let me get it in my car,” sabi nung girl na mukhang nabuhayan na ng loob. Wala na akongnagawa. Gusto ko pa sanang tumawad pero hindi yata marunong makipagtawaran itong babae sa harapan ko.
Pagkatanggap nung “kotong” e dali-daling umalis yung mmda officer.
“Thank you.” nakangiti nyang sabi sa akin.
“It’s every man’s duty to help those who are in need,” sabi ko sa kanya.
“Uhm, I need to make it up for you. You had your breakfast na ba?”
“Actually, Im gonna be late for work na.” sabi ko sa kanya while looking at my watch.
“Oh. Tsk. Perhaps dinner?”
“I have prior arrangements tonight. And besides you really don’t have to do that.”
“No, I Insist. Maybe tomorrow?” pamimilit nya sa akin. Sa totoo lang, nagdadalawang-isip ako kung papayag akongmagdinner kami. Pero naisip ko na it’s just a simple dinner (crap). It’s her way of thanking me for saving her (another piece of crap). Tsaka, bakit ba ako nag-aalala e sa ganda ng girl na ito ay imposibleng wala syang boyfriend (one last piece of crap).
“Okay. Tomorrow, around 6pm. San tayo magkikita?”
“Yakimix, Diosdado Macapagal Avenue.” “Sure. But honestly, you don’t have to do this.” sagot ko.
“Shhh. I insist, okay?” pamimilit nya.
“Uh..kay.” wala na akong nagawa. She had this “oh-so-wonderful” smile behind her lips. Haay.
“This is not going to be good.” Nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko.
TO BE CONTINUED. (Wait! Itutuloy ko pa ba?)