After writting Yakap I thought I ought to share this story…
A few years back, when our relationship was still young, I was a good girl. I trusted my boyfriend 100% and believed in him, I understood him regarding his work and time and supported him.. I did what a normal girlfriend does and I loved him with all my heart.
One day while we were cuddling after having 7 rounds of hot sex, someone texted him. Someone named Marie. The text goes “Hi sir, kailan po kayo babalik dito? miss ko na po kayo.”
Since it did not bear any name or what so ever, I was fooled by my boyfriend in believing that that text was for a co-worker of his and I never asked about it eversince.
One night I had a very bad dream. I dreamt that I was following my boyfriend towards an unknown place. In my dream I approached him and he said he was waiting for another girl and when the girl came I followed them to a motel and I melted in front of the room.
I woke up crying that night and attempted to reach his mobile phone but it was unreachable so I called his cousins, his family, his friends and he was no where to be found.
It was 9am when he came home. I asked him where he’s been and told him of my dream. He was enraged and we had a fight, he accused me that I did not trust him. I appologized and did not bring the incident up until a month later.
I was performing a general cleaning of his room when I stumbled into a receipt. I was a receipt for a motel dated on the exact date of my dream. *I kept a journal back then so I dont frget the dates* I suppressed my anger by finishing up my cleaning while waiting for him to get home.
He came home to a clean house, clean room, neatly ironed clothes, freshly cooked dinner and a freshly bathed girlfriend. We finished eating dinner and while we were alone and resting in his room I showed him the receipt.
I asked him to explain and he told me that it was his cousin’s then dialed his cousin’s mobile for him to talk to me. I almost believed in the syncronized story but then again something came up.. I knew his cousin was in the province at that time.
This time he could not hide the truth and he admitted to his sin. I broke down and cried. I cried and cried hoping that the pain would go away but the tears cannot wash away the filth of his sin.
He cried as I cried. He touched me but his touch felt different. I felt cold, shattered, broken.. it felt painful. The agony and pain for trust shattering, dreams fading. Oh the pain somehow I can still feel it.
I was deeply hurt by his betrayal, I walked out that day. He tried to stop me but failed and ran back to his room. As I walked, thoughts flushed into me. Damn it! I cant leave him… I cant turn my back on him!!! but I cant forget… I wonder if I can forgive…
I came back rushing into their house straight to his room. I was expecting him crying I would throw my arms around him and embrace him but I was surprised to see that he’s there.. nothing.. no remorse.. nothing… just there.. looking as if… nothing.. hes… fine.
Ahhh… now my dears… that was the one that tripped my sanity. It’s as if I fell off a clift and hang myself as a free meal for the vultures. I swallowed my pride chicken willing to forgive him but damn it… damn damn damn… I guess I expected too much.
And so.. Lil`miss`Lust was born. born to get even with him so when the stalker came.. she was there. When the Master called for her she was there. When the fire exit and the closet opened.. she was there… Each and everytime the real me gets hurt… Lust is there.
Recently while I was in Singapore I found logs of my boyfriend’s conversations… kindda stupid for leaving traces of evidences dont you think? and so I stumbled in to pinoyliterotica…. and lust is there.