The kiss ended.. I was so confused and she may have sensed it.. she stopped and then tumayo ako at nagpunta sa cr..inside, I was thinking..hard..pero ang hirap..magulo..
Paglabas ko, she was obviously waiting for me dahil naka patay na ung tv. Then she said, kanina pa nag ri-ring yung phone mo. I checked, 3 missed calls from ann..may mga messages pa like why I’m not answering her calls at marami pa..as I was checking, nag ring ulit phone ko.. napatingin ako kay alex, she nodded her head as if saying, go ahead and answer it. I did not..instead I put the phone in a silent mode. (I don’t have the heart to turn if off..para kaseng masyadong rude..) and besides, it would just make her more angry..
Bubuksan ko sana yung tv when she grabbed the remote from me and said, “let’s talk”. Tumingin ako sa kaniya sandali tapos yumuko pero hindi ako nagsalita..i’m on the verge of crying..so I preferred not to answer. Lumapit xa sakin..hinawakan niya ako sa mukha and made me looked at her. And then she hugged me..i hugged her back..at this point I know that I could really use some comfort.. I fought back hard not to cry.. nung naramdaman ko na medyo ok na ako, ako na mismo ang humiwalay and said, “salamat talaga, alex..i really am glad you’re here.” She held my hands, “and I’m gald to be here as well. Whatever it is that you’re going through right now, I know that you can handle it..and im just here to help..” I was touched..ang sarap pakinggan ng mga sinasabi niya.. problem is, she’s making me think.. it’s like I’m beginning to fall.. and that confused me even more.. looks like the relaxation that I’ve been seeking for has left me behind ..
I told her that im too tired to talk and that I want to go to sleep already. Without waiting for her answer, humiga na ako at pumikit..i know I’m tired but im TOO tired to sleep..pinilit ko na lang matulog baka sakali ma-relax na ang isip ko.
Naramdaman ko na tumayo sya..then maya maya..nag cr..then naramdaman ko na tumabi na sya sakin sa bed. Pag higa niya, yumakap sya saken..alam kong alam niya na gising pa ako kase nagulat ako.. then ginawa ko, hinawakan ko yung kamay niya na nakayakap sakin then sumiksik sya sa likod ko..
Nakayakap pa din sya sakin nung nagising ako to pee. Bago ako bumalik sa kama, I checked my fone and saw na may ilang missed calls from ann.. I read some of her messages..one message said na, she’s sorry sa mga nasabi niya and that she is really hoping na magkaaus kame.. I started typing my message..pero nakailang bura ako kasi hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko..when finally, I had the courage to tell her that I’ll call her up tomorrow and we’ll talk.. ang bilis ng reply niya, she asked, “why not talk now?” ang sabi ko inaantok na kase ako at para makapag isip na rin.. she replied, “pls.. 
“ I went out of the room..and decided to make the call…matagal bago ako nakatawag dahil nag iisip ako..nagtext pa c ann ng sad face..
Ann: mahal..
Karla: hmm..ann..
Ann: wala na ba talaga? I know may mga mali ako..i’m sorry..
Karla: ann, matagal na natin to pinagusapan, di ba? Besides, the decision was mutual..
Ann: alam ko..pero hindi na ba natin pwedeng bigyan ng chance yung relationship natin?
Karla: ann..nasabi ko na sayo before ang side ko..so please..tama na po..we both know that it’s already time for us to move on..but as ive promised I can be your friend, alm mo yon..
Ann: (softly) dahil ba dyan sa kasama mo ngayon?
Karla: no..matagal na tayong wala even before I met alex.. unfair sa tao, kung siya ang iisipin mong dahilan..ann, alam ko mahirap..pareho lang naman tayo..pero I’m sorry..
Ann: kayo na ba?
Karla: hindi. ann, please don’t make this harder for you..and sakin din..
Ann: I’m sorry..(and the line went dead)
hindi pa ako pumasok after the call..i want to cry but I can’t..buti na lang our room was situated at the back part of the inn kaya walang tao..although from where I’m standing, nakikita ko yung bar..buti na lang hindi masyado maraming tao sa may bar.. ten minutes after, pumasok na ako sa room..pag upo ko sa kama, tinignan ko c alex..she has her back on me..humiga na ako sa tabi niya..then I hugged her..gumalaw siya..”hmm..karla?”..sumagot ako ng “tulog ka lang..goodnight..” then I kissed her shoulder..my way of saying “thank you, you’re here”.
maaga ako nagising pero nagulat ako dahil mas maagang nagising si alex..i saw her staring at me while im sleeping. she smiled and said good morning.. ang sarap sa pakiramdam ung paggising mo, alam mo na maganda na agad ang magiging araw mo plus nakatulog ako kahit pa mrami ako iniiisip..i can consider that morning a glorious one..
alex: (still on bed) nakatulog ka ba ng maaus?
karla: uh – huh..(then I smiled) good morning..
alex: mabuti naman..(matagal bago siya nagsalita ulit) I heard you going out last night..san ka nagpunta?
karla: ahmm..lumabas ako kasi I talked to ann..
alex: ahh..(humiga siya ulit sa tabi ko) what happened?
karla: (napatingin ako sa kaniya..and she was staring at the ceiling) I said I’m sorry (as softly as i could)
and then silence overcome us..
after tagaytay..
nagkikita at naguusap pa rin kame ni alex but we never talked about us..she once asked what happened to ann pero I told her na wala na ako balita dahil ann is not answering any of my messages.. typical ex si ann..kasi I have this notion that kahit mag ex kayo, it is possible that you two can become friends..but it will take time..sadly, ann doesn’t want to..and recently, I discovered she unfriended me from her fb after a year..
as months advanced..mas naging close kami ni alex..at kahit medyo malayo ang distance, we manage na magkita at minsan, nagpupunta siya samin..
until one day, nasa mall kame naglilibot..then kumakain kame sa isang fast food chain when suddenly, sabi niya sakin “kamusta ka na?” natawa ako kase magkasama kame eh bakit niya ako tinatanong ng ganun..”sira, eto ok na ok..” habang tumatawa.. napatigil ako kase seryoso ang hitsura niya. “oy, ano ba? bakit ganyan mukha mo?”, tanong ko… sumagot siya, “sabi ko kamusta ka na..naka move on ka na ba?” iyon pala ang ibig niyang sabihin, sa isip isip ko..”hmm..matagal na kaming wala ni ann, before pa kita makilala..so, yeah..naka move on na ako..” medyo uncomfy pag usapan yug ganun dahil syempre nasa publice place kame..so I voiced it out..ngumiti lang ang loka.. after eating, dumaan kame sa favorite naming DQ..nde kase pwedeng nde kami kakain nun pag nagkita kame..we both love it.. niyaya niya ako na pumunta sa bahay nila after..
nung andun na kame sa bahay nila, nagpahinga muna kame then binuksan niya yung tv..maya – maya, bigla siyang nagsalita..”ok na ba na dito tayo mag usap?” hindi ko inaasahan na masusundan pa yung pag uusap namin kanina..”huh? ano pag uusapan natin?” ang sabi ko. “karla, naghintay ako na maging ok ka.. and I can see that YOU are ok..besides, sinabi mo nadin naman sakin kanina..” alam ko na saan pupunta ang usapan..”alex..ok na ako..pero hindi ko alam kung ready na ako for another relationship.. I admit im happy when im with you pero hindi ko talaga alam kung ready na ako..” lumapit siya saken sa upuan..”pero bakit hindi mo i-try? subukan natin pareho..if it will not work..then we’ll wait..i’ll wait..” i looked at her..wala ako masabi..”that day sa tagaytay, I was soo happy kase magkasama tayo..alam ko na you were facing some problem pero Masaya ako kase I was there with you.. when you went out of the room to talk to ann, I was awake and im aware that you two will talk.. natakot ako kasi baka magkaayos kayo..i don’t have any intention of urging you not to go back to her pero ang alam ko, hiniling ko na sana wala na kayo..gising ako nung humiga ka na at yumakap ka sakin..and mas gising ako when you kissed me on my shoulder..you have no idea how happy I was that night..and I said to myself, this is a good sign..when you told me na officially wala na kayo, naghintay ako ng right time…respeto na rin sa inyo ni ann..matagal ko na gustong sabihin sayo ito kaso hindi ko alam kung paano at ano magiging reaksyon mo.. but sana pag isipan mo..like ive said, we can try..” hindi ako nakapagsalita dahil iniisip ko mga sinabi niya. matagal na walang umimik..pag angat ng ulo ko, nakatingin pla siya sakin..nakipag titigan ako then..i smiled..sabi ko, “halika nga dito..” I opened my arms to hug her..nkakatawa yung histura niya..kase you can see in her eyes na she could not believe what is happening..yumakap na din siya..i hugged her tight habang sinasabi..”thank you..sana mag work ito..” then humiwalay ako sa kaniya ng konti and kissed her sa cheek..”it will..” ang sabi niya..
almost a year and a half later..kami pa din..happy and oh so gay..*wink*
with her, I feel wonderful..pero bakit heto ako ngayon.. I find myself wondering..
Have you ever felt as if you’ve been waiting for forever?
I am in this situation wherein there’s nothing to do but wait….and wait..
wondering and waiting when I reached for my guitar singing to alamid’s your love..
You’re the one that never lets me sleep
To my mind, down to my soul you touch my lips
You’re the one that I can’t wait to see
With you here by my side I’m in ecstasy…