Have you ever felt as if you’ve been waiting for forever?
I am in this situation wherein there’s nothing to do but wait….and wait..
SUCKS! I must say..
While thinking about what is happening with us.. I started reminiscing about how we started..
It was summer when we first met… online. I was enjoying my day off chatting all day when a posted message caught my attention.. Someone said hi to me and I said hi back.. before I knew it, we have our own private window.. then I asked for the guy’s name and age..he replied, alex,29. I replied with my name and age.. then the conversation started and never seem to end.
There were some parts wherein I got confused because he speaks like a girl..and so I asked..his answer surprised me because based from the name provided, I was expecting a guy.. and so she said she’s a she..
Alex became my friend and at some point, my “trusted” friend. We would chat all day during my free time and texting each other whenever possible.. then one day, she asked if we could meet in person and I said I was not yet ready for that..Although she had seen me thru my friendster account (yup, friendster pa ang sikat back then) I am not ready yet..not yet..
Weeks became months, when all of a sudden I want to meet her.. I was having some rough times at work and relationship and felt that I needed a break. I texted her and checked if she’s available..she is..and so without wasting time, I asked her if we could meet.. while waiting for her reply, I was afraid that she’ll say no.. but she said yes and so we set the time..
Biglaang pagkikita..madalas mas natutuloy. Wala kaming pinag usapan kung san kame pupunta except that we decided we’ll meet at a mall in cavite at 3pm.
At the bus, para akong tanga dahil kinakabahan ako..i know that what im about to do is a no-no.. kahit kaibigan ko sya and kilala ko na sya for months, I know that its not and maybe will never be enough for me to take the risk.. yet I did. All I know at that time is I want to take my minds off some things.
She texted me kung malapit na daw ba ako sa napagusapan naming mall. I replied na oo, pasensya na at medyo male late ako ng dating..i was not able to anticipate the traffic. She replied na andun na sya and gave me the name of the restaurant where we will meet.
Sa wakas, pababa na ko ng bus. I know I need a cr dahil bukod sa I need to pee, I have to atleast refreshen myself a bit. Oras na para hanapin yung resto, while walking, nag text siya and asked kung nasan na daw ako.. Sabi ko na nasa mall na ko and looking for the resto. Hindi na sya nag reply..mukhang galit na. nakita ko na sa malayo yung resto kaya binilisan ko na ang paglakad.
Pagpasok ko sa resto a waiter asked me if table for one, I said no, at may kasama na ako na nasa loob. Iba yung feeling dahil alam mong sa picture mo pa lang sya nakikita. Pero syempre you’re not going to let that show in your face. Nakita ko syang naka pwesto sa may bandang dulo, she raised her eyes and looked at me and all I can think of at that very moment, “shit!” She looked different from her pictures. She looked much, much better in person. In fact, beautiful.. I remember her wearing this red v-necked plain shirt in a tight hugging form and white shorts showing her –ugghh legs which appears to be flawless. we stared at each other for like 10 seconds, then she smiled. She looked more beautiful when she’s smiling..the kind of smile that can light up a room full of smug faces..i was mesmerized..feeling ko at that time, magaan na agad ang pakiramdam ko. Whatever it is that im going through, parang nawala.. paglapit ko, she stood up and kissed me, the beso way. Realization hit me, parang matagal na kami magkakilala..parang hindi namin first time na magkita..weird.. but in a nice way..
I smiled for the first time, and said hi.. kabado kasi ako and at the same time, na intimidate..the feeling of turning back is eating me..parang mali ata ang ginawa kong pakikipag- meet ..crap! how can a person be beautiful and nice at the same time.?! Nang magsabog nga naman ng swerte..
I sat down as the waiter handed the menu. Feeling uncomfy, I told her to order on my behalf. With an arching eyebrow and a little smile on her face, she ordered our food. I can sense her feeling my discomfort. So she started a conversation as soon as the waiter left out table. We talked about random things, which made me feel more comfortable. The food arrived and then me feeling more comfortable, ate well..hindi pa kame tumayo after eating, she asked where I want to go.. I said I don’t know..she suggested tagaytay since malapit na lang naman from where we are.. nagdalawang isip ako kase baka gabihin ako..i told her my dilemma and she said that if im up to it, we can stay there overnight para in the morning before going back to manila, makapasyal kame ulit.. sabi ko ayoko, not that I really don’t like to go with her.. nahihiya kase ako..besides I don’t have any personal things with me..i can’t give that out as my reason kase im sure hindi uubra. She reached out for my hand and said, “karla, I know why you’re having second thoughts..but I just want to help..alam ko na you want to relax that’s why I suggested the overnight. “she paused and then..”teka, iniisip mo ba na may masama akong gagawin sayo?” I blurted out, “hindi ah!..wala lang kasi akong dalang gamit” nasabi ko pa rin ang rason..ang tanga ko talaga .. natawa sya.. sabay sabing, “ano ka ba, para namang hindi pwede bumili. O ano, payag ka na?”
Tumuloy kame..we had fun when we did the zipline..at first nakakatakot..but she was able to persuade me..and I must admit that I had a great time..I felt that the tension I’m feeling is gone so I decided to just really enjoy the moment..nag ikot ikot pa kame to kill the time since pumayag na din akong mag overnight..
Nung napagod na kame, we decided na maghanap ng inn siguro almost 7pm na yun. Luckily, we were able to find one.. the very last room that is available. Sa reception, the girl kept on looking at alex, well at her height of 5’8, who wouldn’t? idagdag pa na she’s beautiful. She’s not that sexy but she has her curves at the right places.
We were guided to the room’s location. Maganda ung room..cozy ang dating..i checked the bathroom to see if it’s clean and to check na rin if there’s water available. Paglabas ko ng cr, I was admiring the room and adjusting the ac when I felt her arms around me..stiffened, I said her name..i’m trying to get away pero humigpit lalo ang yakap niya. When she finally let me go, lumayo ako sa kaniya. Sabi ko na i’m going to turn the tv on..i heard her sighed when she sat down at the bed and reached for her bag.. I sat down at the other edge of the bed and pretended to watch..it was awkward..cause truth is, hindi pa rin naman talaga kame ganun na magkakilala..
After a while, tinawag niya ako..she asked if im hungry sabi ko medyo, kasi napagod ako sa pag gala namin kanina..tumayo siya and went to the table, checked the menu and asked what I would like to eat. “something not too heavy”, I said.. we settled for a sandwich and juice.
After eating, I decided to take a shower while she settled on the bed and opened her notebook..sa cr, ang dami kong naiisip..alam ko na hindi bago samen pareho ang makipag relasyon with the same sex, kaya medyo nakakailang lalo na nung niyakap niya ako..hindi ko alam gaano ako katagal sa cr, nagulat na lang ako ng kumatok siya.. “karla, matagal ka pa ba? Kailangan ko na mag cr, eh” sumagot ako na malapit na ako matapos when I realized na wala pala akong dalang towel sa loob. Wala akong choice kundi sumilip sa pintuan and ask her na iabot yung twalya. Pag abot niya, sabi niya na wag ko na ilock yung door kasi naiihi na sya, sabi ko na hindi pa ako tapos. Sinabihan niya ako na pumasok na lang sa may shower room at pag pasok ko, saka naman sya mag c-cr. The bathroom was partitioned. Kaya pwede naman siya umihi while im finishing.. ganun nga ang nangyari.. nung nakapagbihis na ako sa loob ng shower room, tinanong ko siya kung tapos na ba siya.. hindi siya sumagot kaya sumilip ako, wala na pala siya sa loob..
Paglabas ko ng cr..bitbit na din niya gamit niya and is ready to shower..pag daan niya sakin, sabi niya “ambango ah!” ngumiti lang ako..
Natapos na din siya and then sat at the edge of the bed..inayos niya yung mga gamit niya and put on some lotion..while I was watching..pretending actually..i’m quite aware of what she’s doing kahit na sa tv nakatutok ang mga mata ko..she asked me kung ok lang daw na patayin na yung main light then we’ll just leave the cr light open para may liwanag. Pumayag ako. Pag upo niya sa kama, she reached for her notebook, dumapa sa kama and nag browse ng mga sites. Heto na naman kame.. she was positioned na nakatapat sa may tv kaya ang paa niya malapit saken..i can’t help myself staring at her legs..shucks..i kept on fidgeting..tumayo pa ako para uminom ng tubig..the room was well airconditioned pero pinag papawisan ako..pag upo ko sa bed, tumunog yung phone ko..si ann, my ex.. nangangamusta at may pasok daw ba ako bukas..sabi ko, ok naman ako at may pasok ako kaso hindi ako makakapasok dahil nasa tagaytay ako.. pagsabi ko nun, tumingin sakin si alex sandali then went back to her notebook. I know that she’s listening and alam niya din kung sino kausap ko. When ann asked kung ano ginagawa ko dun at sino kasama ko..i’m searching my mind for words..right words to say..i know na pag nagbanggit ako ng ibang name or sabihin ko kung sino talaga ang kasama ko, I have to explain to anyone of them..i just have to choose..and I chose alex. When I told ann that I’m with alex, nakatinign ako kay alex. She had her eyes on her notebook pero alam ko na she’s not reading. So when ann asked who alex is, ang sagot ko lang, “friend ko”..then ann asked me suddenly if there’s still chance between us..i only replied, “hindi ko alam”. Wala na kame ni ann when I met alex..and wala naman din kaming napapagusapan ni alex about us..kaya nga I was surprised when she hugged me. “dahil ba dyan sa kasama mo?” tanong ni ann. Sumagot ako ng hindi at I’m there kasi nga I need a break from work..she did not buy that instead, marami syang sinabi na masasakit pero nakinig na lang ako..until I told ann that this won’t do us any good kaya it’s better if we could just talk some other time. She hung up on me. Si alex naman, pinatay na yung notebook niya tapos tumayo at uminom ng tubig. Pagbalik niya sa bed..
Alex: uy, ok ka lang?
Karla: yep..ok lang ako.. (my phone beeped and I checked that it was from ann)
Alex: oh, si ann? Ano sabi?
Karla: oo, siya..pero hndi ko na binasa..hayaan mo sya..kaya nga ako nandito dahil magrerelax ako eh..
Alex: hay naku..then lumapit siya sakin and hugged me..
Karla: thank you ha, buti na lang andyan ka.
Alex: (she hugged me tighter) welcome.
And then it happened. She looked at me then touched my face, nagulat ako ng sinabi niya, “thank YOU, you’re here.” I looked at her with questioning eyes. She kissed me..softly..and in between kisses, “you’ll know..” she said..
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