Credits to sweet~ak47 for this song. This is really one of the most challenging songs I’ve had to write a story about. I was actually holding a dictionary as I wrote this story and while I was listening to this song. Only much later did I realize, I didn’t need it at all, the song was actually describing me… a kid lost in a world of criticism, desperate to change and prove himself… Hope you guys like it. To those reading this. I recommend that you listen to “Therapy” as you read. It’s just on youtube. “Therapy by All-Time Low”
P.S. Sensya na kay ate sweet… sadyang natagalan lang. Matagal ko na dapat na-post ‘to kaso tinamad ako kase the song reminded me on how shitty my life was, how much of a dickless coward I’ve been in the fourteen years that I’ve walked on this planet.
***This story is based on a true-to-life experience. Names of characters, places and events are edited to hide the identities of the people involved.
*****
PAK! PAK! PAK!
“Araay!!!”
Mama: Tangina, gago ka! Gumising ka na jan! May pasok ka pa! Mag-iinarte ka pa!?
My thighs are in deep pain, bruises and marks are imprinted on my skin. My mom was holding the broomstick. She wacked at me again. I ran downstairs as my mother nagged at me. I tried as much as possible to distance myself from her.
Mama: Ano akala mo? Sabado ngayon? Bagsakan na nga mga grades mo, ang kapal pa ng mukha mong magpa-late. Tingnan mo! ALAS-SINGKO na tulog ka pa? Alam mo naman ang layu-layo pa ng pinapasukan mo? Sawang-sawa na ako sa pagising sa’yo ha?…
As her ‘harsh and unforgiving’ words crossed my ears, It turned into a fuzzy wall of static sound as I massaged my ailing thighs she just hit with her broom.
I quickly ate my breakfast, took a bath, clothe myself as my mother wailed her unending poetic words like a fucking oratorical piece. I left the house hotheaded, with my mother still not shutting her loudmouth. The neighbors were peeking at their windows, others were laughing their hearts out at me. Others were just curious from the noise.
Out of frustration, I pulled my mp3 player out and stuffed the earphones in my ear canal as I walked down to the bus stop. The moment I found a seat, I positioned myself there, turned on my player and amped the volume up.
“My ship went down in a sea of sound
When I woke up alone, I had everything
A handful of moments, I wished I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade…”
I reached into my pocket and prepared money for payment of the bus fee. As soon as I paid, I fell asleep. I woke up just a few blocks from my school. I walked down the bus aisle, got a closer seat to the front.
“Ma, para!”
The bus comes to a halt, I walked out and was just in time for the ever-so-eternal flag ceremony. I wasn’t the sociable type of person. But I haven’t always been like this. I just lost my ‘circle of friends’ the moment that I bared my soul to one of them. Since then, I trusted no one. Talked as much less to anyone. Cared about no one. As I walked into the school halls.
Hi! Zuniga! Kamusta ka naman?
Just from the voice, I knew it was sarcasm. It was Ken, my former classmate, determined to make my life living hell. He was talking some sort of bullshit at me but I just ignored him with the reason that I have better things to do. And yes, once in a while I get pissed off and start waving my middle finger at him. But now’s not the time.
I entered the first period class, the whole day went on and on and on. I got tired of such routine. Everyday, it just kept on repeating. Bullying by peers, teachers getting mad at you ‘coz your classmates kept on pointing their fingers at you, having the whole class against you, add some more enemies from former classmates in other sections. I just want to pick up a gun and point it to my head.
The bell rang. I exited the school as fast as I can. I ran, not looking back, put on my headset, and played my mp3 at maximum volume. Thanks to that, I was unable to hear the speedy approaching car who tried to beat the red light.
BlAG!
…Out of nowhere, somebody pushed me to safety. I looked behind me, and saw the bastard in his car waving his middle finger at me as he drove away. My mp3 player was destroyed by the incident as I slammed my hips against the concrete road. My as-always-bitchy schoolmates laughed as I helplessly helped myself up off the street.
Kuya okay ka lang?
I looked beside me, indeed it was my savior, or should I say, my heroine. A simple yet absolutely adorable face stood in front of me. Being the impressionistic asshole that I am, I stood up, dusted myself and ignored the ailing pain on my ribs, hips, arms and legs.
Hi! I’m Miguel.
She smiled and shook my hand. Wow, her hands are sooo soft. Her smile, it glitters her already-radiant beauty. Those dimples carved on her cheeks, they compliment her facial contours.
Ahhh… Uhmmm… Thanks for saving me nga pala.
I just noticed he uniform. It seems she goes to the same school as I do. Her eyes are so beautiful, like pearls embedded with brown irises.
No problem, I’m Mina nga pala.
Ahhh… Mina? Well, thanks for saving my life… Mina.
She smiled again, and let go of my hand. I turned around and walked to the bus stop.
I noticed she was walking beside me; and it seems that she noticed it too.
Me: Ahh… Pa-dito ka rin ba?
Mina: Ahmm… Oo, sasakay ako ng bus eh.
Me: Ako rin eh, taga-san ka ba?
Mina: Cavite po.
Me: Wow! Ako rin! Sabay na tayo.
She just smiled and nodded. After a few minutes the bus arrived; we sat beside each other, the conductor came close to us.
Me: Taga-san ka ba?
Mina: Dasma po.
Me: Sakto!…
The conductor stood beside our seat, I was on the seat beside the aisle, I gave her the window seat.
Me: Ma, dalawa pong Dasma, estudyante.
Mina: Ui! Wag na!
Me: Let me handle this. It’s the least I can do for you.
She just smiled… again. As the bus rolled on, we shared small talk. I found out that she was a 2nd year student, just one year later than I am. I’m not tall but, she is slightly smaller than I am. Her hands are so cute, small with round nails. It’s like I forgot all about my problems when I met her.
“In a city of fools, I was careful and cool,
But they tore me apart, like a hurricane.
A handful of moments, I wished I could change,
But I was carried away…”
Eversince that day, we regularly talked to each other, at school, on the bus; I even occasionally visit her house. My classmates often see us together and keep on creating scandalous rumors against us. But I didn’t give a fuck, and neither did she. She knew about my situation. Plus, she told me what she was dealing with; I just realized, that she was like living in a parallel universe of mine. The only difference between us were our genders. We became very, very close friends.
One Saturday, I didn’t knew what came over me. But I texted her:
“Ui! May ggwin k ngaun? Lbas tau! Libre q”
She replied:
“Sure! Ligo lng me”
Me: “Kay, sunduin n lng kita!”
I smiled in excitement. I took a quick shower to freshen myself. I grabbed my best clothes and ran to her house. I couldn’t help but think. “Do I look good… enough?”
Me: Tao po!
Mina: Sandali lang.
After a few minutes, the door opens. My eyes are in awe as a goddess walked out the door. She wore a miniskirt, flashing her flawless legs. She smiled at me, with the outmost cuteness. She waltzed out of the door. I couldn’t contain myself. Pheromones were oozing from her body. She was so beautiful in everything that she wore.
HUI! Makatitig ka jan ah…
She laughed as my face reddened in embarrassment.
Me: Oh ano game?
Mina: San ba tayo pupunta?
Me: It’s a surprise!
Mina: Ehhh! San nga?
Me: Halika, sumama ka na lang. You trust me right?
She just nodded and smiled. We hailed a bus and talked on the way. A few minutes on the bus, she became drowsy. I smiled and instinctively laid her head on my shoulder. I held her hand as she fell asleep. We really looked like a couple then. After about two hours…
Me: Mina, Mina! Gising na! Dito na tayo.
Mina: Huh?
She opened her eyes, and smiled at the sight out the bus.
Me: ‘lika na!
We stood up and followed the trail of passengers exiting the bus. There we were! On the grounds of SM Mall of Asia. I’ve been saving my petty allowance for this moment. We held hands and walked in,
Me: Ay! Nako, nakalimutan kong pag-dalhin ka ng jacket.
Mina: Baket naman?
She confusingly looked into my eyes, the sight which was behind me told her why. Beyond me lies the skating rink.
Mina: Ohhhh… NO WAY! Migz, NO WAY!
She playfully pulled us away from the rink.
Me: Don’t worry, you’ll be fine!
Mina: Di nga ako marunong eh!
Me: Sige na… Don’t worry, I’ll be with you naman eh.
Mina: Marunong ka ba?
Me: Well, medyo… hehehe…
She hesitantly went along with me to the counter.
Me: Miss, dalawa po.
She closed her eyes in fright as I bought the tickets. We walked to the rink. I told her to measure her size so I can pick her skates. She put her foot in one of the models until it matched. She’s got small feet, matching her petite physique. But I think it was cute. I told her to sit down the resting area while I fetched the boots.
Me: Do you trust me?
Mina: Mm-Mm
Me: Then you’re gonna be fine.
I fixed her skates for her. Her miniskirt tempted me to take a peek inside but I controlled myself. After fixing hers, I did mine and we walked into the rink. She was so nervous, I could feel her body tremble as we took our first baby steps on the ice. I held one of her hands as the other one holds on to the walls of the rink.
Me: Here, wear this.
I gave her a yellow helmet and placed it on her head.
Me: …and this,
I gave her my jacket and a new set of gloves. She smiled as I fitted them to her.
Me: Do you STILL trust me?
Mina: Oo naman.
Me: Then let go…
Mina looked as if she was having second guesses, I smiled and hugged her by the waist. I pulled her closer to me and away from the wall. She just went along with it too. I stood behind her and held her hands from behind.
Me: Take a step…
She took a deep breath and did what I said. I lowered my grip on her waist and supported her up. She took her first steps and I held onto her. She closed her eyes and walked on. Soon, she was skating by herself.
Mina: I’m doing it! Migz! Nagagawa ko na.
She looked behind her and saw no one. She realized that she did it all by herself. But as she turned she slipped and…
…I caught her in my arms. I whispered in her ear…
Me: Don’t worry babe, I’ll never leave you.
People were looking at us, but I didn’t give a damn. The girl I love was on my arms.
She smiled as I helped her up. Later, I taught her how to stop, turn, skate and all the basics. We skated our hearts out for four hours. Soon, both of us got tired and exited the rink. We walked to Krispy Kreme and grabbed a snack.
After that, we walked to the seaside. It was sunset. Such a beauty. We grabbed a Zagu and went to the place where there were least people as possible.
We sat on the breakwall and ate our snack.
Mina: ‘kaw Migz, nagka-gf ka na ba?
I didn’t know how or why we got to that topic. But I said:
Me: No. But I DO have someone I like on my mind.
Mina: Really sino? Kaw ah, may crush ka na di mo kinukwento!
Me: Yeah, gusto mo picture niya.
Mina: Talaga? PATINGIN!
I took out my phone and said…
Me: Wallpaper ko siya!
Mina: Oh? Wow naman.
Being bestfriends we had no malice in mind about the topic so I gave my phone to her.
She opened it and saw…
Me: I had it since the day we met.
A tear rolled down her cute cheeks.
“..My lungs gave out, as I faced the crowd.
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.
I’m flesh and bone, I’m a rolling stone,
and the experts say I’m delirious….”
Me: Don’t cry,
She couldn’t utter another word. She suddenly embraced me and whispered…
“I love you too…”
Our faces were just inches from each other. I was surprised with what she did next. She kissed me, ever-so torridly, it was my first. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Her lips were so soft, her breath had traces of the Zagu we were drinking. It was a picture-perfect moment: a kiss in the sunset. We held on for a few minutes.
We let go for a breath of air…
Mina: Mmmm… lasang honey-glazed. Hehehe…
She smiled and laughed. I didn’t care if anyone saw us. I held her hand and we were at it again for a few more minutes. We then finished our meal and went home via bus happily. Or at least… that’s how I thought so. dog_starr was right. Life fucks us all.
*****
Three weeks passed. I have been unable to see Mina at school. A few more days later, I decided to go by her house to check on her. The first person who greeted me was Yaya Janett.
Yaya: Oh, Miguel… Ba’t ka nandito?
Me: San po si Mina? Pwede po pasabing bumisita ako?
Yaya: Ay, ‘to wala sya dito. Di mo ba nabalitaan.
Me: Ano po yun?
Yaya Janett carried on telling me the awful truth. My ears can’t believe what I was hearing. How could it happen? Why? Why? How come she didn’t even tell me?
“Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty,
But I’m smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can take back your misery…”
I asked her everything I needed to know. I rushed back to the house and dressed up as quickly as I can. I had no idea what I was doing at the moment. In my confusion, I cut myself with my keys. Blood rolled down but I didn’t give a shit! All that was in my mind was Mina, where is she?
I ran to the closest hospital. Only a few blocks from our house. I rushed to the reception area *I don’t give a fuck what it’s called”
Head Nurse: San po kayo?
Me: Kay Minacielo Ventura po!
Head Nurse: Nasa room ano po —- 3rd floor ICU
As soon as I heard where it was. My feet immediately carried me to the room. I knocked on the door. Her mother opened it for me.
Mama: I’ll give you guys some private time.
As she exited the room, I saw Mina bedridden. Her eyes are closed. An IV was strung to her. A tube runs through her nose. I don’t know what it was called.
Me: Best! Best! I’m here! I came as soon as I heard.
I grabbed her hand… and stroke it.
Her fingers flick, eyes slowly open. She tilts her head to me.
Mina: I-I didn’t tell you, ’cause I didn’t want you to worry.
Me: It’s okay na, nandito na ako.
Mina: hehehe… You haven’t changed at all. I love you, but it’s not really… okay.
Me: Don’t give up on me!
Mina: I’m sorry, kuya… I love you, pero. I just can’t
Me: Shh… Don’t say it. I LOVE YOU! Don’t give up on me! Ikaw lang ang mahal ko!
Mina: Same to you, anyway… Oo, tayo na!
Me: I’d rather be single and be with you than you be marked as my girlfriend and have you die.
Mina: Hehe… Ang lalim! I love you… Oh ba’t ka may dugo sa kamay?
She pats me on the head and looks into my eyes.
Me: Just a cut. Don’t worry about me.
Mina: Still as hardheaded as ever. I want you to live on Migz. hehe… behave when I’m gone na ha?
Me: NO! NO! NO!
Mina closes her eyes. The machine goes for the alarm. I screamed for help. Doctors and nurses rush in. They pull me out but I try to resist as much as I can.
…1…2 CLEAR! …1 …2 CLEAR!
At that time, the only thing I heard was my own heartbeat and the sound coming from the electric shock in hospital room. Mina’s parents held me back. They were crying too. So am I.
How does it really feel to have the only person, who did more than save your life, the one who sacrificed her emotions and reputation just to be with you, to die slowly in front of your eyes and you can’t do a shit about it?
That’s how I felt. She never told me that she had Blood Cancer. But even if she did so, what could I do? What am I to do? I could’ve spent the rest of her final hours beside her. What am I put in here for? What am I? Who am I?
“Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to.
They’re better off without you.
Arrogant boy, cause a scene like you’re supposed to.
They’ll fall asleep without you.
You’re lucky if your memory remains.
Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty,
But I’m smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can take back your misery.
Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty,
But I’m smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can choke on your misery…”
Yes, indeed. LIFE, YOU CAN FUCKING CHOKE ON YOUR MISERY!
…To Mina, I loved you and always will. All my stories are dedicated to you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are.