This is not my story nor my work of art..
created by sexy_tin
“I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I’d rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I’d rather have the one who holds my heart…”
I was lying in bed when that song filled the air. I began to sob again. It was just a month ago that I was happy. Despite being busy with work, at least I have him. I can’t help but sigh as I reminisce the short past that we had.
Last week of October was our semestral break, I had an opportunity to do away with paper works, text my friends who are out of the country, check my hundreds of e-mails, and browse the net of course.
Since I’m not the type who goes out with friends often, I opt to chat via yahoo messenger instead but just wasted hours finding none-sense chatters in the end. One chat mate suggested a texting site so I went and check it out.
I then posted a message that contained a little information about me and that I was interested with someone who is open-minded and sensitive person. After a while, lots of beeps were heard from my phone. Surprisingly, all of those text messages contained the usual asking of a/s/l? Others about if I was willing to have sex on text with them. Honestly, I got frustrated because no one caught my attention.
Suddenly, one texted me and got my curious attention. I could not remember what the exact message was but we ended up being friends in an instant and exchanged sensible text messages with one another. I could not remember at what point we started our exchanging I love you’s to the extent that we even made love through texting. Call it weird or whatever but that’s how we were for almost two weeks. The last two weeks of October in particular. We even had a role play where he acted as a younger brother while I was the elder sister. (Story about this was also posted in this site. He was the one who made it. For those who can remember and have read the two parts, lucky for you. For those who did not, just browse on and find out J for I will not divulge the title.)
First week of November (of 2009) came; I told him that he must expect me to be busy from 7am to 9pm and that sending him some messages might be hard for me to do. At the back of my mind, I was hoping that he could extend me patience on this matter. I work as a teacher in a Catholic Private Elementary School in the morning till afternoon of 5pm and using of cell phones inside the school’s premises is strictly prohibited even during lunch break! So, I was able to text him only when I secretly bring my phone to the rest room. I tell you, these things might be new to him if he reads this narrative. Then from 6pm to 9pm, I work as a college professor for Creative Writing and Journalism. Upon arrival at home at night, I’m already tired and touching any of my take “home work” is not really part of my system anymore. I just wanted rest while he would expect me to go beyond 12 midnight for us to talk about the things that happened to us within the day. I was trying to make it up on him by at least talking to him for about 30 minutes to 1 hour. If my time permits, I extend beyond 12 midnight but my condition doesn’t allow. I forgot to mention that he is a very late sleeper. He got used to it because of his previous work. I could compare him to something nocturnal though he is awake the entire day. His entire system is active at night and even beyond midnight.
November 15, that was the fight of Manny Pacquiao with Coto, I flew all the way to Manila to surprise him. Yes! I went there with the thought that finally, I’m going to meet him and that we could make our relationship formal. I texted him about it but he didn’t believe me. He said he was on his way to a mall to watch the fight. I couldn’t remember those messages that we sent to one another. It’s just that we fought through texting alone! He didn’t want to meet me because he did not believe that I was there at the NAIA airport! It was too embarrassing but I was not able control myself, I cried in one of those benches. Since I had nowhere to go and my ticket was open, I just went back to our place achieving nothing. Upon arrival at our airport, I texted him again. There he said that he only had P300 in his pocket and that he wasn’t ready about my coming. Hopeless…
Weeks of November quickly passed, I became busy with work and that we were not able to do what we used to do: texting often, sex on text often, and so on. Little did I know that I was also starting to lose him. When we exchange text messages, we always end up quarreling. Then he just told me that he made a poem posted again in PL. That poem explained what he felt. I allotted time to read but did not say any word.
When he wrote another story about his giving up on our relationship, it was the time I had my regrets. I also tried fixing things with him but his mind and heart were closed. He wasn’t listening to my explanations.
The character in the story died because of leukemia. There, I was alarmed. I was thinking that he also have the same disease that I have which he was completely unaware.
I have Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML). That’s one reason why I should not deprive myself of the proper sleep. Otherwise, I’ll end up hypotensive and that would trigger my disease to become worst. I did not mention that to him with the thought that he can just be informed later. But, the worst thing is, I did not realize that depriving him that information made him feel that I wasn’t giving him time. When he asked for sex on text, I would always say No.
I tried explaining to him but he’s not believing. I told him, I shall no longer insist. But at least leave me the good memories. I’d be willing to sacrifice or him. Now that he has already found another one. (For the record, they became lovers while we are still on). How unfair!
Anyway, now that it’s 2010, part of my mindset is to love him in my silence. For in it, no one owns him but me. Call me paranoid or whatever, but that’s who I am. I’m not expecting to win him back anymore even if he reads this narrative.
I told him, I’d be glad to die with at least able to experience true love. Even if it didn’t work well for us. At least I once loved and was loved in return.
Sorry guys that my first post isn’t erotic. Don’t worry, I’ll make up on my next post. I promise that. For now, let me ask the community to just read my work. Not expecting for you to judge me.
To you whom I dedicate this, I’m sorry for every pain I have caused you. That’s all I can say. Thank you for everything. I hope you will be happier.
My last breath is as good as saying I still love you and that I would love you even more, even if you’re no longer with me…
As the song progress…I cried intensely….regrets…too late…goodbyes…for good…
“and I tried to find out if this one thing is true
that I’m nothing without you
I know better now
and I’ve had a change of heart…”
Yes, he may had a change of heart but letting him go doesn’t mean I love
him any less…