{Guys, just want to deflect criticism away from me. It was actually Mysterious who started this mawkish trend by posting his silly poem for simply_irresistible. Sizzling_momma followed suit with a boner excellent poem (Eat your heart out Mysterious!). And lopezboy posted a hell of a story that could very well be the standard for all mawkish literature.
So you see, I’m just an innocent guy trying to post my own stupid story. Enjoy reading…
What is mawkish anyway?}
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December 2004… That’s when it all started. The silent fights… The fits of jealousy… Those unanswered texts and calls. Suddenly, I noticed changes within her. Changes that I never noticed before… Or maybe I did. I’m just too stupid to read the warning signs. But then, warning signs are made for smart people to read. Stupid guys don’t understand warning signs.
She started to sleep in the other room whenever I’m in the house, always telling me she’s too tired from too much work and too much kid responsibility. Before that, there was her complaint whenever we were having sex. That I was being rough on her… Funny because I always make sure I’m being gentle with her. Then there’s do this, do that, no not that way in bed. My wife was a control freak from the start, and I admit there were really times when I get really exasperated with her, especially when we’re making love. And I remember getting jealous with her male business partner. The one she often goes with on her out-of-town business trips.
And then there were the unpleasant calls and texts… I remember those texts I sent her, telling her how much I love her, that I’m being good and faithful to her, urging her to avoid the temptation. I remember her call response. It was very unpleasant, full of anger. I was at a loss. How did our relationship made a sudden turn like that? Like a boat caught unaware in the middle of a storm. It was only bits and pieces. She had issues, I had issues. And none of us are ready to sit down and talk about it.
Two months had passed before we were ready to sit down and talk, and it was mostly my wife who did the talking. She told me all her frustrations in our marriage, her frustrations about me. That moment, I begin to understand what it’s all about. It is all about me after all. She told me her fears of growing old like her mom, who at 65 yrs old is still working because her dad had resolved to take care of the house chores instead of bringing in the dough for his family. My wife saw her dad and her irresponsible brother in me. Her dad used to be her role model, now she regards him with loathing and contempt. And in her eyes, I was very much the same as her dad. That day, I realized, my stupidity finally caught up with me.
I was speechless the whole time. All those things in my head, those jealousies, those insecurities, suddenly, I lost my footing. I realized there were really no grounds for me to stand on. She was right about everything she had said that day. You think its all about sex? Cmon! You think Gretchen married Tony Boy because of his bods? When we lack the physical goods, we compensate on other things to make up for it like money. Problem is; stupid guys really don’t have much to compensate with.
We ended our conversation and almost ended our relationship that day. She gave me the freedom to find another girl. But I made a promise to her to be a better man, this time I will be a man she can rely on.
That was the start of my gradual slide to depression. I started to focus too much on my work just to avoid thinking about my marriage problem. My smoking habit really picked up, as well as my drinking. I start working before 8am and go to my place at past 9pm. I remember how I need to focus extra hard on my work, because she keeps cropping up on my head. And my eyes would be moist with tears, and I can’t stop it. I have my insomnia since I was single, and it had grown worse because of that. Instead of keeping my promise with her, I wallowed in self-pity. I was unwittingly starting a pattern of self destruction.
Those sleepless nights made me think of her even more. And then a strange thing happened… I started fantasizing about her, with another man. At first, I was ashamed of myself every time I think about it. I couldn’t bring myself to think that the woman I married for love may now be in the arms of another man, eagerly giving her the best sex she may never have had with me…
In my mind, I pictured her lying in bed, her lips being kissed so passionately, her body being touched and caressed by someone else’s hand… Her smooth breast eagerly being fondled and sucked, her soft pussy being touched and invaded by someone else’s finger, and then licked of her juice afterwards like a thirsty traveler… And I imagine her face, her expression, never denying she was loving every minute of it. I always get aroused whenever I see those lusty joys in her face, and in my mind she was showing those yummy expressions to someone else. Finally, her pussy is being penetrated by someone else’s manhood. And in my mind, I hear her initial soft moans every time her pussy gets rammed, her moans getting stronger and louder as time passed until it turned into yells of pleasure… Begging her lover not to stop, and to fuck her harder… Her teeth gnashing, signaling her impending orgasm, until her senses exploded from uncontrolled lust… Lust for someone other than me… Her voice, her face, it was all so vivid… Like I was there in that very room where they are sharing their amorous romance.
I even pictured her embracing her lover after their fiery tryst. Never letting her lover’s manhood leave her pussy… She was being kissed and licked all over her face and neck like a bone being devoured by a hungry dog. And then they do it all over again… I was so spent from that vivid imagination, both mind and body…
Those perverted thoughts became my escape from reality, it became my drug. It went on for months and months, I became addicted to it. I was keeping my commitment to be faithful to her, and those fantasies became my way to fulfill that commitment. It became my cycle of activities, work from morning to midnight, lie in bed sleepless and fantasize about her till wee hours in the morning. Then wake up at 6 or before 7am if ever I got a lucky short sleep, and start my day’s work again. 7 days a week… You think it’s a recipe for disaster? It did.
I was in Southern Leyte when it happened, December 2005, a full year after our last fight. I was rushed to the hospital due to exhaustion. My heart was thumping loudly, I thought it would explode. I was treated for hypertension due to stress. Later, I realized it was a case of nervous breakdown. It could have been worse. I really thought I have a heart problem back then.
It was a very unpleasant experience for me, and it affected a lot of people. Our project was shelved after that incident, and we lost a very important client. Its ripple effect on our company was severe because we lost some very important client prospects in the Leyte as well as in Samar area. I was their main man, their go to guy, and I failed them big time…
If there’s anything I learned from that experience, it was that, sticking to your convictions every time can also be very bad for your health. All those times, I was so focus on proving her wrong and faithful with her at the same time, I forgot I need to be human too. That experience completely altered my thinking about sex. It made me think more liberal about doing the whole thing with someone else. Why not? I’m not trying to hurt other people by doing it. I’m not planning to destroy someone else’s dream because that someone happened to have views different from my own. You fail to recognize your human frailty; you fail to understand humanity as well. Pretty soon you’ll start thinking more like those Taliban and those religious extremist with their perverted understanding of humanity.
I used to have contempt for guys who used hookers whenever their loins swelled. I still have that same contempt with certain guys but not all of them anymore. Truth is I now realized the hypocrisy of condemning the oldest profession in the world. There are prostitutes who are forced against their will to do it, and those things should never be condoned. But there are those who do it on their own free will, be it financial needs or just plain bitching around. These women will do it whether the world agree with them or not. Why not? Having sex for money and investing only short burst of emotions is quite convenient for both parties. Me? I don’t know. I guess I couldn’t reconcile myself to the idea of a girl faking her orgasm for me. And I certainly don’t want to be casually asked by a hooker while I’m doing her this question “Are we there yet?”. That sucks! One night stands are better…
I should have banged that girl back in Sorsogon… She had the hots for me back then. And she’s so horny for me that she even went as far as to visit me on my hotel room. I was all alone and tipsy on 2 bottles of red horse, and there she was, knocking on my door. I only got to smooch her that night because she refuse to have sex in my room. Instead, she invited me to a secluded beach. But there was this thought that entered my head. What if this girl was actually a witch and she’s going to offer me as a sacrifice to some horny Anito? Hayyy… The things stupid guys put into their dumb heads…
The thing about hospitals, especially provincial hospitals is that, they really know how to get a healthy but stupid people get well, and never return to hospitals again. How? Simple, they place you in a ward room full of really sick and dying people. They will put up an alibi saying there are no private rooms available. So healthy, but definitely stupid people will have to bear the experience of seeing really sick people for the entire duration of their stay. It definitely worked for me. I vowed never again to get admitted to any hospital…
It took at least 6 months for me to recover and a full year to get myself back completely. And during those 6 months, I have to endure the cold treatments I got from her. I had just proven to her once again that she’s right about me. That she can never rely on me, and I have no right to have a family. I have to talk to her again. Somehow, I have to tell her what I feel, tell her everything on my mind. That she’s right about me, that I am doing my best to prove I have changed. That during all those times, it was loneliness which became my greatest enemy. That somehow, she was also responsible for why I became what she hated and despised in a man. She spoiled me with her dominating attitude. Never letting me make my own mistakes, never letting me learn from my mistakes on my own. I have to tell her I’m tired of taking all the blame…
After six months, I was fortunate to be given a second chance by my old employer. And before I left for my deployment to the province, I had a chance to talk to her again. This time, I was the one doing the talking. I told her I’m tired of all her bullshit and this time, I’m ready to let go the first chance I got. I guess I was lying when I said that, because I’m still here, patiently waiting for her.
Those fantasies? I still get a hard ons when I think about it. I guess it’s my mind’s way of preparing me for any eventualities. I never got to find out if my wife was really cheating on me. I guess I don’t really want to. What would I do if she really did it? Would I leave her? Nah… Shes’s too much of a friend. Do I still love her? I think so. Why would I stick with her if I don’t? If she really did it, I guess I can only say it’s OK. Don’t worry about it. No, I’m not saying it because I’m also guilty. It’s just that I know I am somehow responsible for her infidelities. If I have the chance, I’ll tell her to leave the guilt and remorse at home and just enjoy the sex. Because that is the only way you can truly enjoy sex, free of guilt, free of remorse. At the end of the day, I’ll be waiting home to sooth her tired muscles. Because for all my illusions with my Enchantedness, she’s really the one I want to grow old with.
Stupid thinking right? I’m just a simpleton, don’t really have the smarts. That’s what we stupid guys are. We don’t like to complicate things. Smart guys do that. It’s like this; smart guys love to complicate things, stupid guys want it simple. That’s why you find us mostly working as I.T. professionals. Why? You think those cool apps you’re using were made by smart guys? That is farthest from the truth. You see, smart guys love to design complicated systems, and they want it that way, complicated. It’s more of arrogance because they think computers are made for smart guys only. Problem is they cannot sell their idea to the smart community because smart guys are really arrogant. They hate to admit that the other smart guy is smarter than them. But they cannot sell it to the stupid community either, because their idea is too complex to be understood by the general stupid public, and they are too arrogant to make it simple. So, they tap us stupid guys with peanut sized brains to simplify their complex design.
See how simple PLs design is, compared to the other site? There’s an advantage to that, we have more levelheaded members here than on the other site. With my exception of course… Chances are good that Moderator is a stupid guy too… There’s one problem though, I think Moderator designed PL’s registration for smart guys only. I had a hell of a time trying to register. Hehehe. Just kidding Moderator, don’t kick me out of PL please…
Well, I guess this is the part where I say “That’s all folks!”.
Am I stupid?