| I feel like I’m doing okay now. I no longer feel hurt or lonely. I have accepted the fact that you and I will never be together no matter what I feel for you. You will just be “the one that got away”, the “almost but not quite”.
But this doesn’t change the fact that I truly love you. I don’t want to sound too idealistic. I don’t want to say this feeling will not change because it might. I don’t know what the future will hold. But at this point, what I feel is that since I met you, until now, you’re just that image of “love” for me. When I hear a song, read a sweet quote, watch a romantic movie, it’s you that I think of. And when I think of you, it creates a warm feeling in my chest, a feeling of longing, of wanting to embrace you, your arms around me, your head on my shoulder, of making you feel that I love you so much. I just really, really, really love you and I’m feeling it now more than anything else.
I could never truly describe through words how much I love you. I’d like to let you know that I just watched a movie by Toni (she greatly reminds me of you), and that while writing I’m listening to a song that also reminds me of you. I can say that at this point, I’m “letting myself love you”. On a regular day, I’m doing my best to avoid thinking of you. I’m doing my best to avoid things that might remind me of you. I try not to login to Facebook just to avoid the temptation of looking at your pictures again. I try not to feel what I truly feel for you.
But today is a weekend, it’s late in the evening, the rain is pouring, I’m the only one awake, I just watched a movie as I mentioned earlier, and there’s really nothing I could do to remove you from my thoughts. I think of you now and imagine how it could have been if we were given the chance to be together. I wonder if you think of that sometimes as well; that what if the heavens gave us the chance to be together; that I can call you mine, and you can call me yours.
Yes, I am no longer sad about the situation. I might have regrets of not doing what I should have done but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy. It’s just that, well, I just love you still. Do I still pray we can be together? I sometimes catch myself doing so, but at this point, it’s no longer the biggest deal for me. I just want you to be happy. To be in-love with someone that you will love the way I love you. I’m saying that because if you love someone the way I love you, you will be really, really happy. I am happy loving you this way, even from a distance. You might not be mine and we’ll never be together, but the feeling of loving you makes me happy. And before I end, I would like you to remember and NEVER forget that you will always have someone thinking of you and caring for you. You will always have me whether needed or not. As I said earlier, I just really, really, really love you and I’m feeling it now more than anything else… more than anything else.
Take care always. |